Maa

Gurgaon is full of pigs. I mean, real pigs. You'll always find a big fat one rubbing itself against the sand or drenching itself in the mud to cool off. But the cutest sight would be a mother pig with her trail of tail-twirling piglets accompanying her wherever she goes. That's what blind following must be all about. This morning, i encountered a mamma who visibly was annoyed by my invasion of her privacy. After all, she was breastfeeding her kids and by my pervy camera moves, she got all agitated. For once, she got up and took a safe distance from me while her suckling kids started running in circles. Since all men all pigs, i understood what she meant. What you're seeing above is a picture i took for Snapchat. That's it. One picture. That's all. Respect mothers. 

PS: For the record, she was back to feeding her babies milk right after the impromptu photo session. 

भ se bhookh, फ se food

Zomato is all about food. It's not just India's only global app but closer home, it has perhaps one of the coolest offices in India. I'm in the middle of my fourth month with this awesome company and i must say i've never been more impressed. People are amazing to me and i don't blame them because without my beard, i must be the prettiest person in the building. Furthermore, since i'm part of the marketing team with a keenness on social media, i'm observing a world i didn't know existed during my earlier stints as English teacher, business transcriber and film journo. No, no, i haven't changed as such but it's a pleasant surprise to see yourself amid unprecedented growth in the food sector. Remember, the Shettys own 3 out of 4 restaurants in Mumbai? I guess it was destiny. (Related trivia: The tech side of F&B industry in India is STILL at its nascent stage though which makes it doubly exciting!) In the coming days, you'll see more and more people using food apps not only for browsing restaurants but also ordering online. That's inevitable. Foodie or no foodie, everybody's going to make the most of the available platforms. And why wouldn't we? When the cellphone made an entry at the turn of the century, who could have assumed that it'd become an essential part of our existence? Thanks to the impetus provided by the Internet, things have only escalated on the tech front, thus providing newer avenues for upcoming players. No wonder Instagramming food has become more important than tasting it first to check whether it's worth taking a picture. Who doesn't like to call themselves a foodie nowadays? Although it'd be misleading to call myself a foodie, i enjoy the awesome free food that my job entails. The best part being i don't even have to step out of the office. Gurgaon is the perfect mix of unsettling dust, filthy pigs, sweltering summer, rude autowallahs, bored cows, corporate residents and farce. But if i were to juxtapose all these elements with my job, it's quite a fair deal. 

If you've got the hunger—metaphorically as well as literally—to do something memorable with your time in the world of startups, i'd strongly suggest you to check out our careers page. Who knows you too might write a blog post someday that would get you fired?

Striking a chord

The final moments of The Imitation Game is so heartbreaking that you are forced to rethink. You not only feel bad for the way a genius like Alan Turing was mistreated but also wonder what really is different. Just because you don't understand another being makes you superior? Like i read the other day, the person speaking broken English is already fluent in another language. Can we (always) say the same about the one fluent in English? Going back to Turing, he develops a level of intimacy with a machine he helped create—which helped the Allied Forces win WW2 and inspired the likes of Steve Jobs in more than one ways—reminds you of Wilson from Cast Away. Remember how Tom Hanks' character continues to talk to the volleyball and later apologizes to it in a manner you wish your ex did? We don't get to know why Wilson was named so but we do get a peek into the story behind Turing's Christopher. Attachments like these make you rethink about the lack of difference between living and non-living things. 

Dropped catches and glory

I'd prefer testicular cancer. Yes, there i said it! If there was a choice, then i'd go for the balls. I know how insensitive this sounds like given i fully understand how gruesome the Big C is. But then, i've got reasons attached to it (not that attachment has served any purpose in my life so far). No, no, this has nothing to do with that iconic "I'm in pain" scene although an incident did occur in 1999 (the year Fight Club released) that brought me closer to my testicles. No, no, i didn't hit my puberty either. A cricket ball did—sadly—and the target turned out to be my nuts. Yes, a heavy leather ball from the sky (as i was supposed to catch it) hit my Netherlands instead of my palms. I remember experiencing the worst form of discomfort as time slowed down. No joke. That's also how the world's greatest cricket fan began to lose interest in the sport. Four years later, they performed a surgery on me leaving behind suture on my lower abdomen. To cut a long depressing story short, the whole event played a significant part on my asexual—to borrow a roommate's word for me—nature. Apparently, refusing to laugh at sexist/misogynist jokes makes one impotent. To be honest, i don't really know my motility rate but i like to call myself "inadequate at times but mostly functional". The roles testes play! So, for all the diffidence-inducing mental torture that happened because of a dropped catch, i'd prefer C in my Ts. That'd be poetic justice for a youth that got wasted on wondering too much about stuff that mattered too little. But the cherry on the cake would be me defeating cancer and not only participating in but also winning the Tour de France. Lance Armstrong would be SO envious of my two inglourious basterds, man.

Marry me maybe?

Since i'm an expert in sign languages, i came up with this innovative method of speechless proposal. Accordingly, all you've got to do is flash the ring finger of your left hand. It might look like you're giving a fly to somebody you hate but it's actually an attempt at making a fool of oneself in front of someone you love. That revealed, there are several benefits of this approach. The most prominent one is you avoid making a fool out of yourself in public in case you're one of those who get carried away by an IPL match and propose their lady just because Mumbai Indians is winning. 

Two things can happen in such a scenario: 

a) She ends up storming out of the stands leaving your cryface on the big screen. 

b) You miraculously turn into a single guy with a legendary status on YouTube.  

Yes, if only he showed her his ringie instead of uttering those horrible words. If only. 

Comparative studies of nonsense

• On a scale of of me to you, how much do you trust yourself?
• On a scale of 1 to Gulzar, how wonderful are you with words?
• On a scale of 1 to me, how sleepy are you?
• On a scale of of me to you, how much do you trust yourself?
• On a scale of 1 to me, how sleepy are you?
• On a scale of you to me, how much is the probability of we?
• On a scale of 0 to you, how messed up are you?
• On a scale of 9 to 5, how unemployed are you?
• On a scale of poking your own eyes to killing yourself by mistake, how clumsy are you?
• On a scale of 0 to unicorn, how delusional are you?
• On a scale of 1 to 10, i am lost.
• On a scale of 1 to Pigeon, how snobbish are you?
• On a scale of 1 to Sheldon Cooper, how irritating are you?
• On a scale of 10 to 1, how mathematically challenged are you?
• On a scale of... fuck this shit!

All about you

• Life is miscalling, where are you?
• I'm growing a pair of wings this summer. You?
• I dance from within. You?
• If you're going to be like your idols, who's going to be you?
• Are you the only child or you have siblings to look down upon you?
• You don't spaghetti it, do you?
• Is the problem bigger than you?
• Would it be OK if i Cc my worries to you?
• Even painkillers don't work during weekends. Why are you?
• I don't have a handwriting anymore. Do you?
• I don’t know who you are anymore. Do you?
• Are you in pain or is the pain inside you?
• There are all kinds of assholes under the sky. Which one are you?
• What's right with you?
• What do can for i you?
• Who else doesn't pay attention to you?
• Whose greatest fear are you?
• What's the best thing that never happened to you?
• What is it that's NOT bothering you?
• So you punish the ones who are incredibly nice to you?
• What's the procedure to move on with you?
• Where's the button to star you?
• You used to be stupid. What happened to you?
• You look very happy. What's wrong with you?
• What if your sorrow ain't very comfortable with you?
• How come everything reminds me of you?
• Jesus promised me heaven if i followed him. You?
• You're doing your job or is your job doing you?
• Would you mind if i fall in love you?
• The nature doesn't change its priorities. Why should you?
• Who else can express you better than you?
• Harry Potter grew up but Mowgli didn't. You?
• How is your health and other's weather treating you?
• What if the ones you left behind are better off without you?
• You've got time for everything except for that one guy called you?
• No idea what this blog post wants to say. You?