Signs, science and sighs

According to Yuval Noah Harari’s brilliant book Sapiens, the earliest human signature belongs to a person named Kushim. We are not really sure that it was a guy but going by the professional dominance men enjoyed in that era (not that a lot has changed since then; take this list—not even one woman on it) we can safely assume that Kushim was a male accountant. He signed his name centuries ago in Mesopotamia on a tablet. Isn’t a privilege? Even if the practise of taking credit or responsibility for something in text was in vogue before Kushim, only his tablets are around for posterity. No one else’s. I thought of him while watching The Accountant (2016), a movie that remains true to the art of storytelling despite so many digressions. While watching it, i was struck by how important bookkeeping is to our society. Numbers must add up whether you’re dealing with carrots or carats or for that matter, Jews. (Had it not been for the diligence showcased by Nazis in maintaining accounts, we wouldn’t have known Holocaust’s actual wickedness.) There are people who work in isolation and use calculator faster than you use your keypad and they are responsible for making every single paisa/grain/cartel accountable. Some may argue that computers are fast taking their place but that’s letting the machines get ahead of ourselves. The irony here being machines, unlike us, operate solely on our sign language.

Disfigure of speech

I
tried
poetry
today
after
a
long
long
time
but
it
didn't
work
out
as
i
failed
to
grasp
hold
of
time
and
all
the
other
tangible
elements
around
me
that
can
only
be
explained
by
my
utter
lack
of
attention
to
nuance
and
structure.

I am not sorry.

I want to...

I don’t really believe in jotting down New Year resolutions. Not for lack of trying but the concept loses its hold within weeks, if not days. At least that has been the case with me. Before you realize it, the initial thrill gives way to drag. If there was a way to continue feeling the way we felt on 1st Jan, then things would have been completely different. Sadly, that ain’t the case. If it was, i would have gained a book or two instead of gaining weight in 2016. Anyhow, there’s no harm in thinking out loud what one really wants to accomplish in the coming days, if not weeks.

Spend more time on reading. I genuinely upped the scale last year by sitting through short profiles, long essays, longer stories (fiction as well non), endless parables, enlightening anecdotes and some books. Perhaps it’s high time i covered more books this time around. My problem with reading is i’m not a fluent reader. I read a page and if i come across even one doubt, i google the shit out of it. That’s a literal getting stuck in a black hole scenario.

Invest more time on writing. Again, i raised the previous limits by wording my thoughts on several platforms. I was pretty decent at updating my blog too, if one excuses the miniskirt versions of blog posts. Similarly, i was active on Twitterverse except for the 3-month break i took in March-May. In 2017, i want to do productive writing and complete those two stories i should have completed back in 2015!

Prioritize before it’s too late. I’m 30 and not getting any younger. I should see things clearer by now but that’s not happened yet. Although i’m not fond of the C-word, one must know what they are aiming towards. A set goal—with respect to time, of course— has to be in place. It could be for anything from doing something on a professional level to attempting something on a personal level irrespective of the result.

Be healthy. I’ve got way too many health issues for someone my age. Frequent headrush, migraine and acid reflux are three of the prime villains but there are many more under the surface. I need to get going. Like for real. Sedentary lifestyle, where entertaining stress is the only known workout, won’t help in the long run. Speaking of which, i got to run. And put those running shoes i ordered last year to work. 

Embrace positivity. For years, i’ve been the patron saint of pessimism. If you ask me whether this/that can be done, my answer is seldom yes. I hate uplifting my hopes and then disappoint others. Perhaps it’s time to embrace optimism and see the light without moving towards the tunnel’s end.

Loosen up a bit. No, no, i’m perfectly fine with my won’t-drink-can’t-smoke-no-nothing policy. No doubt i consumed a lot of painkillers in 2016, i’ve noticed that my otherwise conservative outlook has eaten into my spirit too. If i’m not mistaken, one tends to become boring (because you avoid people who allegedly enjoy life) and rigid (because your OCD doesn’t allow you to relax at all) and pitiful (because you’re leading a cleaner yet unhealthy lifestyle) when you are like me. 

Sleep sounder. I don't know how but i must ensure i go back to the short-lived routine of sleeping by 10.30pm and waking up by 6.30am. 

Adhere to silence. Although i went quiet on social media back in 2010, my real world persona continues to be that of a person who isn’t comfortable with silence. Small surprise why i not only end up striking conversations all around me but i’m also the one who’d say hello first. I guess i’m the only person on the entire floor who talks to the security guys! A bit of restrained wordlessness won’t hurt because i'm tired of making others comfortable.

Believe. And go against the very first sentence of this vain blog post.

Singular and plural forms

Compared to Mumbai, Delhi is the kind of city that would require loads of goodwill (read: great PR) to be accepted. To an overwhelming majority, it's the kind of place that is still associated with show-sha-ing and classism. On top of that, the burden of 'rape capital of India' has done irreversible damage. To make things worse, Mumbaikars are known for their let-me-help-you attitude whereas Dilliwallahs... well, let's not go there. If you ask an inhabitant of the capital city, they'll squarely put all the blame on places like Gurgaon and Noida. Delhi NCR ensures this reaction. Apparently, great things happen in New Delhi whereas all the evil stuff carry on in the rest of the NCR. It's naive to tag a city something—savoury or not—based on a few reported instances but the problem festers after the media has done its job. Regardless, there is one story that none of the journalists have mentioned so far: the usage of the word 'ladies' in the two cities. In Delhi, women shamelessly cut public queues using that word. In Mumbai, men use that word to inform others in a crowded train compartment that there is a woman among them and they should provide sufficient space for her to stand. Grammar be damned, civility triumphs when that happens.

Connect the dots

Whoever thought of this deserves the Best To The Point Title For An Eatery award. The suspense in the three dots after eat makes it the clear winner in its category.

Over and not out

There are very few jokes that i can think of and chuckle to myself. Most of the time, i watch comedians for the way they deliver a joke and i find my dose of humour in the way it’s expressed. For instance, i love it when Bill Burr laughs at his joke because i find the part when he’s unable to control his grin really funny. Similarly, i admire how Kenny Sebastian makes the most of silence before dropping the punchline. I’m a sucker for nuances. At the same time, my joke delivery sucks. I end up laughing the most while telling a joke. Very rarely do i manage to complete the intended joke. I’m usually covering my face on the table or rolling on the floor holding my loin. However (read however the way Louis CK would pronounce it), there are some jokes that i’ve come to cherish because of their solitude value. The kind which no comedian told you but you remember anyhow. The kind that doesn’t even require an audience and you can smile to yourself thinking of the hilarious scenario.

Presenting to you, ladies and gentlemen and the majority, one such piece to marvel.

People gathered outside a TV shop watching a cricket match involving India (of course; Indians are Indian cricket fan, not cricket cricket fan) and one more man joined the crowd. As is the norm, one is expected to ask what the score is. But this guy asked, “Gavaskar out ho gaya kya?” (Gavaskar is still batting or out?) To which, the surprised crowd turned their attention to the newbie and one of them replied, “Gavaskar ko out hue 25 saal ho gaye. Tu kahaan tha?” (It’s been 25 years since Gavaskar got out; he's retired now. Where were you?) The newbie matter-of-factly said, “Jail mein.” (Prison.)

Don’t know why but this silly joke cracks me up. Every single time.

Core issues

I was recently discussing how corruption is all around us. The plague has reached a point where you wonder whether it’s as essential as oxygen or it’s something that we can do without. I tend to believe that both the options could be mere possibilities. And the reason i say so has something to do with our association of corruption with politicians. Logic gets harmed when we can only imagine politics as the source of corruption. You know why? Because it’s not. Corruption is in every sphere of human influence. Politicians are maligned because they make great news. Corrupt individuals give rise to corruption. We often hear how the system is corrupt when the opposite is true. Individuals in a system are corrupt and these individuals function in coherence with their greed. More interestingly, corruption has very little to do with money. It’s essentially an exhibition of power. I can get you this or that done but there is a price to pay. Since the price can be paid in money most of the time, a signature of authority gets an appropriate tag. However, many a times, corruption creeps into a system without the individual noticing it. For example, you are being corrupt if you are using office printer to get printouts for personal use. Better still, you can be held for corruption if you are using staple pins that was ideally meant only for office use. See? That’s how the practice gets into picture but we brush it off thinking it’s not a big deal. Maybe it’s not a big deal but it makes front page headline when that practice is raised to the power of 1000 or more.