Twinkle Twinkle real star

I saw Twinkle Khanna in flesh for the first time in 2012 while covering an event in Bombay. I was basically a scribe back then who rarely missed Bollywood-related invitations. She came across as very elegant and i thought to myself “she was a terrible actress but she is a sorted person…”

Fast forward to last night.

I watched Koffee with Karan (episode 10), featuring Twinkle with Akshay Kumar, and this is the second time i noted her this decade (in flesh or otherwise). She was nowhere to be seen otherwise. She doesn’t endorse products on TV. She is reclusive to some extent although you keep hearing about how awesome she is thanks to her witty tweets and apparent formidable personality. She is an author of two books now—both kindly-received by critics and fans alike—and you can’t help but admire her while watching the aforementioned episode. Political correctness is not for her although she is wise in concealing things that’d make her appear partial. She cracks jokes at her husband’s expense, Johar’s expense, and her self—repeatedly with admirable ease. If you follow BuzzFeed or ScoopWhoop, you must have already seen clippings from this interview that accentuates her clarity of thoughts. She leaves little space for bullshit. And that’s what makes her humourous, i guess. When you accept yourself completely for the person you are or going to be, you don’t feel the need to pretend. And when that happens, the doors of humour not only open up but also welcome you with an Aladdin carpet. Granted that Twinkle is not a comedian but the trait of a good comic can be seen in her: good jokes occur when the truth is allowed to absorb you.

Keeping it real with fakeness

If you’d ask me whether any actress managed to replace Madhuri Dixit in Bollywood, i’d say no. She left a huge void. Her versatility, range of choice and years in the industry ensured so. That said, the contenders for the crown narrows down to very few actresses (purely on their craft, not merely looks) who somehow lacked consistency. And still do. There’s no Hindi film actress around who can do justice to the C-word. Nope, not even Kajol or Vidya Balan. The former had a phase and so does the latter. Let’s not even talk about Deepika Padukone or Katrina Kaif. Yes, both have Smita Patil Memorial Award in their kitty but that doesn’t alter the fact that acting remains alien to them. Which is why it’s a good enough time to go back to Aishwarya Rai. She has had her share of rubbish movies but there are some gems she should be proud of. Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam (1999) takes the cake for me—Raincoat (2004) comes close second, interestingly co-starring Ajay Devgan again—for the sheer contrast between her character in the first half and the second half; the bubbly spirit giving way to a subdued married naari. And that particular scene where she is asked to smile for a picture remains epic. Holding back one’s sorrow with a pseudo-smile can’t get any better than this.

Two shades of politics

If you’re the kind of person who waits for trains on a daily basis, there are two possibilities: 

• you must have paid attention to the corrugated roof
• you’ve got better things to do with your smartphone

Either way, the roofs shadowing our railways platforms have gone through an interesting transformation. Earlier, they used to be of white-and-maroon shade. Nowadays, they are white-and-blue. This didn’t happen overnight. It was Mamata Banerjee’s initiative when she became the railway minister (for the second time) in 2009. Just like her sari usually is: white with blue border. Interesting move, isn't it?

OK. Now pay attention to this screenshot from the trailer of the upcoming biopic based on MS Dhoni’s life. Notice something? Yes, the white-and-blue roof there. That’s an error from the filmmaker’s end. It should have been white-and-maroon, ideally speaking. They could have done a more detailed job at recreating the early days of our beloved cricketer. For the record, Dhoni was a ticket examiner between 2001 and 2003. Mamata Banerjee’s first tenure as the railway minister of India was between 1999 and 2001; the period during which she had no interest whatsoever in leaving behind a colourful legacy.

Exhaling humour

Bollywood apes a lot of things from across the globe but laughing at itself isn't one of them. Looks like the Hindi film industry—or should we say, some prominent members from B-Town—are on the brink of getting that right as well. Over the recent past, the Internet has been constantly interrupted by film celebs exhibiting a sharp sense of humour, unprecedented in nature or execution. For a very, very, very long time, this wasn't the case. The picturewallahs preferred to keep their opinion and money to themselves. However, thanks to the advent of social media, they aren't hiding anymore. Therefore, we get to hear them use words nowadays we thought even a film script won't allow without giving the Censor Board cranial hernia. Isn't that cool? Of course! Moreover, it's not about giving the F-word a break and using the C-word and the L-word and the B-word. It's much deeper actually, pun intended. Two reasons. One, the starry i-am-cleaner-than-thou pretence has to be shoved away. Two, the starry i-am-cleaner-than-thou pretence has to be shoved away. No matter how cringing celebs jokes (jokes made by celebs, not ON celebs) come across as, it's a lot better to have some so-called stars speak the same lingo that a majority of us do. Sweet! This is precisely those achhe din NaMo promised us.

Picture abhi baaki hai

This year witnessed more of a downfall than an upswing for Bollywood—not just in commercial terms but also critical—but we give you 10 reasons to stay positive about Hindi cinema for a long time to come. Put into perspective, Bollywood didn't really have a breathtaking year. There were no mind-boggling figures embellishing the box office either. In all fairness, 2014 has been a lukewarm year for the Hindi film industry. Similarly, there were no lateral entrants like Ship of Theseus or Shahid or The Lunchbox to help us wade through the otherwise formulaic assembly. Is there a pattern to be noticed? Are we missing something of a paradigm shift not only at the filmmakers' end but also at the audience's? In any case, it's easy to just override Bollywood for its abject lack of originality, of late. At the same time, however, it'd be farcical to simply assume that Hindi cinema as an entity could possibly be redundant—ever. 

Here are the 10 reasons why i think Bollywood is still worth believing in…

1) Secular fabric

Say what you may about content—or lack thereof—but Hindi films, not to forget their makers, have ensured that the good ol' idea of secularism is upheld under any circumstances. An onscreen character's private beliefs rarely get in the way of the storyline. Seldom do we come across an incident where a storyline offends religious sentiments. On the other hand, most of the controversies pertaining to faith rise just on assumption, much before a given film even hits the marquee. And 2014 takes a good step forward with a film like pk, which takes on religious leaders who lead us astray.

2) Sound of music

The cliché of a hero and his heroine running around a tree while a song is played in the background never goes out of fashion. But what has effectively gone out of the production door in the West is the concept of musical within a feature film. Which might explain why French cinema shies away from musicals while German cinema employs English pop songs. In the meantime, Bollywood films continue to unabashedly celebrate music like there's no tomorrow. 2014 had a plethora of some exceptionally good music with meaningful lyrics, be it Zehnaseeb from Hasee Toh Phasee, Samjhawaan from Humpty Sharma Ki Dulhania, Galliyan from Ek Villain, or Patakha Guddi from Highway or Allah Waariyan from Yaariyan.

3) Source of livelihood

While purists make all kinds of noise, they conveniently forget that Bollywood is a $3.2 billion industry employing nearly two lakh people. And this employment ranges from big-ticket stars to junior technicians, all of them earning their bread thanks to Friday releases. If a brainless film hits the jackpot at the box office, it also translates to further distribution of moolah to the thousands of faceless and nameless contributors. There was one sexist rule in the industry of not allowing women to wield the make-up brush, but that is also history now, thanks to the gritty Charu Khurana.

4) Change is in the air

The recent success of relatively smaller films like Filmistaan, Ankhon Dekhi, Sulemani Keeda, etc. has reinforced the new stream of thinking. So much so that young actors like Shahid Kapoor (Haider) and Varun Dhawan (Badlapur) are willing to push themselves out of their comfort zone. After all, more risk-taking filmmakers are on board and there's an encouraging balance with established studios like Viacom18, UTV and PVR Rare among others taking the initiative to produce and distribute high-content but low-on-budget flicks

5) Godfather? No, thanks

What's common between Honey Singh and Chetan Bhagat? Both are going to be everywhere—if they aren't already. Yet again busting the myth that nepotism rules. Besides, Bollywood has warmly welcomed relative 'nobodies' from the outside world. You may have doubts about their talent, but can't deny that they have made the best use of the opportunity offered to them by Hindi cinema.

6) Single screen, great hope

Multiplexes account for just eight per cent of India's 12,000 screens but rake in a third of the total box office receipts. So one can imagine the pressure single screens must be reeling under. Besides, the number of single-screen cinemas in India continues to fall beyond 10,000 (the estimated figure in 2012). Regardless, there's a long way to go before all of them are shut down—making way for multiplexes—or the unruly whistles of the boisterous are silenced.

7) Giving theatre its due

In the recent past, more actors with a strong stage background are pouring into the industry. This year saw talent powerhouses including Manav Kaul, Tahir Raj Bhasin, Seema Pahwa and Niharika Singh, impressing Hindi cinema lovers.

8) Going global

As far as the overseas market is concerned, Bollywood is no longer limited to the diaspora. NRIs are anyway going to watch Hindi films. On a greater scale, we are witnessing a phase where collaborations between the promising East and the meticulous West is so obviously on. And it's not just about AR Rahman composing music for Hollywood films or Irrfan acting in them but also about the steady exchange of ideas on the technical and infrastructural front. Happy New Year took a happy step ahead in being innovative with its release and instead of going for the traditional satellite rights, the producers decided to release it on the digital platform. This is just a start.

9) Long live Urdu

Post-independence, there was a rather long phase when Urdu defined the verbal side of a movie. However, that fastidious nature of the poetic language has changed. Irrespective of all these evolutionary changes, Urdu somehow manages to flourish in Hindi film songs. Like Haider not only stole our hearts with its beautiful poetry but also gave Urdu its rightful place yet again.

10) Entertainment factor

Bollywood was reasonably high on entertainment this year too. Don't believe us? Look at Govinda in his comeback roles in Kill Dil and Happy Ending. Or Arjun Kapoor and Ranveer Singh’s bromance on-screen as well as off it. Also, the Khan triumvirate reestablished their hold on the box-office—as was expected of them—although it'd be more interesting to see them turn 50 next year.

N.B. In case you feel that my writing is too grey and paragraph-less on blog, you can check out this piece on mid-day with pictures and all that jazz.

This year witnessed more of a downfall than an upswing for Bollywood — not just in commercial terms but also critical — but we give you 10 reasons to stay positive about Hindi cinema for a long time to come - See more at: http://www.mid-day.com/articles/2014-rewind-10-reasons-why-hindi-cinema-still-matters/15860195#sthash.FnB07ndC.dpuf

Hide and seek

Excuse me but i keep going back to movies. Not because i'm short of topics to scribble short paragraphs on but because cinema is something i can relate to. I'm not an authority on music though i listen to almost everything possible but movies are an altogether different arena. Having said that, i'm not an authority on cinema either. At least, not yet. Like my partner-in-downloading-crime Anu once remarked during our usual cine-discussions: "One lifetime is too short to watch all the movies in the world." Because of stark truths like these, nothing can come close to the joy of watching a film (hopefully a good one) and forgetting oneself in the process. Be it two hours or three or even four, a movie grabs you out of your mundane stupor. Entertainment is just a garb in disguise. What's really happening is much deeper than that. I doubt whether a song or a painting or a sculpture for that matter would be capable of doing so. Assumptions apart, what else can explain the spell celluloid has on its audiences? Think about it. You're placed in a dark room with the light beam falling on the screen—not you—and still you remain hypnotized in your seats. You don't have to be at your best behaviour. There are just series of pictures in front of you, not real people to check whether you're paying heed or not. You know that, right? Nevertheless, you stay put as if cinema itself has cast a playful 'statue' on you.

Ladies and gentlemen, please board

In reality, there's no point in criticizing a bad movie. People are going to watch it anyway. The tough part is to drive the public towards the cinema hall to grab a good film. This is just the way things are and has got nothing to do with India. We are inherently lazy and intellectually inert so the tendency is to avoid whoever speaks the truth. Give us glossy love stories and OTT action anyday because we don't get to witness them in our otherwise bland life. However, once in a while an endeavour like Ship of Theseus walks along and hypnotizes us with questions, answers and the silent space between them. It doesn't try to be different but it is not the same either. One can not only relate to the characters but also to the situations they are in even though they are facing existential dilemmas of their own. It can't be missed. Sorry. Do yourself a favour, watch it. In any case, it has a limited release and ain't available on torrent either. Who knows? You might emerge out of the theater with an enlightened smirk on your smug face.

Flying sinews

Let's get started with facts. Bollywood stars aren't very popular for completing their homework. Expecting them to lose weight or gain an accent or be anything but themselves is too much to ask for in most cases. This sad premise compels us to acknowledge the grit Farhan Akhtar employed to create  Milkha Singh out of him. Going by the black & white photographs, the celebrated athlete appears a lot leaner than Farhan. But then, why not capitalize on the rare chance to let one's sinews scream out? And they did as expected in Bhaag Milkha Bhaag (BMB). After all, the entire movie is a tribute to a man who wouldn't overestimate his ability to fail. So having a chiseled torso and arms wouldn't hurt. Rhetorically, at least. Furthermore, he strains and pains to succeed in a period independent India was barely waking up to international competition. The film is wonderful since Hindi cinema has been allergic to biopics in spite of having millions of candidates to run a script on. Having said that, BMB could have been much crispier. Just because your husband is the director doesn't mean you should chuck your editing job. (For the record, PS Bharathi did faaaaaaar better in Rang De Basanti which was directed by Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra too.) If the climax wasn't as intense as it turned out to be, the whole endeavour would have fallen flat before the finish line. Nobody wants to be a guinea pig of an excessive filmmaker's indulgences. Coming back to Farhan, his acting skills remain open to question but his commitment can't be interrogated. Sacrificing two summers for a role is genuinely something no actor in our country is heard for. Cricket doesn't need a film to continue its stranglehold in the country but other sports don't enjoy such luxury. From that perspective, BMB continues what Chak De! India and Paan Singh Tomar ignited. Our generation is in dire need of heroes. For the time being, even those from the world of celluloid will do. A biopic on Dhyan Chand next, someone?

Hearts, interrupted

There are movies you like and then, there are movies that like you. Lootera falls in the latter category. It begins as a film but ends as a painting. Also, if a picture speaks a thousand words, a canvas speaks for eternity, right? Absolutely. Still, the dialogues are so few and far between. And interestingly—or rather coincidentally—a painting in this specific piece of art (painted by the supremely gifted Vikramaditya Motwane of the Udaan fame) plays a key role. Set amid an era when zamindars ended up as losers and lovers maintained a winning distance, a conman manages to steal some invaluable pieces of history. While he's at it, the innocence in him robs a strong yet vulnerable girl off her heart, peace and future. The worst part is she loves him even when he's hurting her the most. Maybe love, like cinema, works in mysterious ways. What works for this sincere film though is it has a heart-wrenching tale to share. With as many pictures—and as few words—as possible. The background score punctuated by songs fill in what the protagonists are too stubborn to express. If you remember Raincoat, you might recollect that the room in which it was shot consumes you with a certain amount of claustrophobia. What Motwane does is he keeps claustrophobia out of the room for the most part. Inside it, Sonakshi Sinha delivers THE captivating performance of her life. Given the scale she exhibited, calling her promising is an understatement. Ranveer Singh, on the other hand, tries his best to fit in perfectly as a guy who is far removed from his personality. The first half is flawless while the second half stumbles a bit. Overall, it combines to form a colossal work of art. However, some love stories are meant to end prematurely. But when they do, they leave the spectator with grief as well as a thirst to start all over again. Lootera is one such adaptation.

An auteur's touch

Some filmmakers don't belong here. They come from a different place, a different time zone, a different mindset. And they don't bother to change. Such human beings are indeed rare and ought to be preserved from decay. It's in our best interest to not to give in to mortal indifference. But there is very little we can do even though they are totally worth the pain. Their world is similar to ours but they add new dimensions. Not because they have to but because they think they should. What do you do after waking up watching a beautiful dream? You try to share, if you are that type who talks a lot. In most cases, people stay quiet. A filmmaker doesn't have that luxury. If he watches a dream, he has to find ways to share it with others. Sometimes he watches these dreams with his eyes open and he can't wait to let others have a peek. In the quest to be God, new worlds get created and some, destroyed. The thirst to make others believe that there is a perspective possible which is slightly different from our daily realities...is what makes a filmmaker filmmaker. More often than not, obstacles rule. The weather conspires and art suffers. It's easier done than said. Money is least of their worries. However, he keeps scratching the surface until he gets what he desires. He's not your everyday guy. He's a fucking filmmaker. 

Being commitment-phobic

There's no such thing as an untimely death. I'm not an expert on death but i know a thing or two about being alive. And trust me, it's tough. Particularly when you're not the person you could have been. More so, when you've become the person you once so famously dreaded. As you turn older, you acknowledge the growing hollowness in you and the sheer amount of fakeness that goes in to it  just to cover it up. It doesn't and can't heal itself on its own. That's sad, undoubtedly. What's sadder is some young Bollywood actress going ahead (climbing upward, to be precise) and killing herself just because she wasn't finding enough work and her relationship status sucked. But are these reasons valid enough to die? Nope. When a farmer from Vidarbha dies, your heart slows down for him because a part of you knows that he couldn't make the clouds rain or farm with his tears. So, you need to come up with stronger excuses. If someone from a privileged background won't deal with failures, then what's the point of luxury? Or maybe we're missing the point here. On a daily basis, 170,000 of our species die on this planet. If five of them committed suicide, one of them is of Indian origin. At least that's what the statistics dictate. Of course, death has nothing to do with one's racial or regional identity but it is a matter of great concern to see youth being so disoriented and callous to jump to such fatal conclusions in the face of dire situations. Furthermore, suicide is something that Indian culture has remained alien to for the major part. Even our mythology is rife with stories where suicide is not an option. Even a brave soul like Bhishma delayed his suicide. Coming back to the present, becoming the person of your choice might be arduous but it requires one to be breathing—not hanging onto a dupatta from the ceiling fan. 

A year in a tabloid

I completed a year in MiD DAY today. Having entered the IIT of Bollywood Journalism exactly one year ago, it's hard to believe that they haven't kicked me out yet! Time went by and all i could do was take printouts of my broken dreams. I don't know what i just said. Anyway, that's not important. What's worth noting, however, is the fact that i didn't do something I'm really good at: giving up easily. I stuck to this job even though I'm well aware that i lack the qualities of a typical journo. Pitched against the pace at which my colleagues churn out stories, I'm a snail but i console myself by convincing myself that I'm a better writer. Not that it matters. Also I'm damn honest and my integrity is an endangered species. Yes, it matters. And to top it all, i don't scream (out of agony) when i see my salary slip. On the brighter end, my editor—like my former editor who hired me in the first place—is one of the coolest people i know. The colleagues are wonderful too as they are kind enough to laugh at my silly jokes. But it would be a lie if i said that i knew where i was heading to when i joined this rag. It would be a bigger lie if i said that i know where I'm heading to as of now. Currently positioned as the entertainment reporter who covers movies along with music and books, i get in touch with people y'all usually read about. In all honesty, that's the only incentive of this otherwise unimaginative job. When you meet famous people in flesh, you realize how similar they are to us. Only the wall of fame separates us. I hope i keep hurdling this wall in the days/nights to come and more importantly, i get the raise i so deserve. Thank you, HR, for reading this exclusive piece of trite.

Dinosaurs and Speilberg

Ever wished we lived in a Tarantino movie for a change? Not everyone would agree with me (insofar, not everybody appreciates excellent cinema either) but life is indeed wonderful…in movies! And if it has a bit of unanticipated violence attached to the bloody script, who'd complain? At least, not me. You see, the thing is my life's irrefutably bland. Colorless. I'm as dull as they come. Or go or whatever else they do. But my thoughts keep me fresh. And one such train of thought took me to a station where i pondered about the possibility of our life being based on a movie. You never know. What if we are part of an extended film we're not aware of yet? The name of these movies might differ for sure. Having said that, titles can be very misleading too. For instance, 'Anand' was actually more about sadness than mirth and it was disappointing to learn that 'Shame' is not based on Tiger Woods. In any case, long live internet as crooks like me don't breathe as effectively as they can download. In the meantime, I'm eternally grateful to all those faceless seeds out there who make downloading a reality. It's a world of parity on web where there is no rich or poor. Everybody is just sharing the fruit of cinema (illegally, of course). I'd also like to remind you that they forgot to mention this in religious texts but recco-ing others a good movie takes one closer to heaven. Because God is free of criticism and She finds cinema particularly cool. Besides, what's the point in critiquing bad movies? People are going to watch them anyway. The real trouble is to get them to watch the better ones. Besides, there will be folks reviewing the movie reviews in a perfect society. After all, cinema is meant to offer us relief—a false belief that (almost) everything will end well. Luckily, some movies just stay with us to whisper the secrets of an unimaginable world which we shall never get to enter in. Even if Tarantino wants us to.

PS: In case you come across a list titled '100 Greatest Movies Of All Time' and don't find Anand in it, something's horribly wrong.

Yes Saar, K?

Not that anyone is complaining but I haven’t updated my lousy blog in quite a long time. The reason behind this era-distorting act lies in my changing of priorities. In other words, I’ve got priorities now. Like beauty queens from India who think becoming a Hindi actress will save the world, I too am an entertainment journo now. Sorry, I forgot to add the word ‘wannabe’ in my previous sentence. But for all it’s worth, I’m busy chasing Bollywoodians nowadays and I’ve somehow convinced myself that this will ultimately save the world.

So far, so rude? Well, not exactly.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been meeting people from B-Town and I’ve got to admit I’m amazed and perplexed at the same time. Amazed by some big stars’ down-to-earthness and perplexed by some not-so-big-stars’ defiance of gravity. For instance, I met King Khan last week and passive-smoked three cigarettes within 16 minutes. I didn’t mind it since he came across as someone who knows what he’s talking about and answered all my queries. He was sharp, philosophical, witty and seemed very well-read. And by well-read, I mean he appeared to have read my conjectural article that got published in January!

I met other Bolly A-listers too but it’d be better if I don’t disclose them now. Maybe I should wait until I figure out where exactly to use ‘wannabe’ in a sentence.

I am what I ham

Hindi filmmakers make bad movies with good songs. Nobody seems to be complaining though. And those who are, don’t matter. Regardless, music is always the undisputed winner thanks to the industry’s overindulgence in Sufi elements. Now, if only our celluloid had a similar narrative to carry. In case no one else has noticed, Bollywood is in dire need of a Renaissance. In fact, it requires much more than that.

Commercialization had made a brutal mockery of art. Of course, it’s always easier to pinpoint Hindi cinema’s shortcoming but that’s not THE point. We need to pause for a second and ask ourselves a very authentic question: “What the fcuk is going on?”

Iranian cinema churns out just a handful of flicks annually but their simplistic approach can teach even one of the largest film industries (yup, that's us) a lesson or two. Europeans keeps challenging the boundaries. Even the Chinese are tired of exporting martial art. Gory never looked mesmerizing before Koreans entered the scene. When Hollywood runs out of ideas, it turns towards their legends — colorful characters from history — to binge on. When we face a similar quandary, what do we do? We steal. Unabashedly. Awarding no credit, whatsoever, to the original copyright. Or worse off, we create modern remakes of our classics… and fail miserably.

This piece is sounding harsh but it’s alright. Those who can make a difference are pretending to be indifferent anyway. In this coffer-obsessed tinseltown, writing appears like a dying profession. For instance, Ra.One employed what they call state-of-the-art technology for special effects but missed on that basic ingredient – a good script. This is precisely the reason why we fail to come up with woman-centric storylines as often as we rather should. The filmmakers and producers have somehow convinced themselves that it’s not worth the risk. Or for that matter, a decent horror movie. To make things despicable, almost all the attempts to scare audience make them laugh their ass off.

In the same vein, for a nation with a landscape as diverse ours, there hasn’t been a single cross-country road movie. Na, DCH stopped at Goa and came back. 3 Idiots was in such a haste to reach Ladakh that it couldn’t enjoy the beautiful journey. And ZMND helped boost tourism of a country going through its worst economic crisis. In addition, North-East India is yet to get under Bolly’s myopic radar.

We don’t get to see courtroom movies either. (Shaurya was a brilliant try but lost ground in mimicking A Few Good Men.) Similarly, a generation that was nurtured by Amar Chitra Katha ought to produce a better front on animation. It doesn’t. Luckily, Bollywood can't afford to bother remaking Hollywood animation flicks!

Over the past decades, world cinema has witnessed a paradigm shift in its attitude towards each other. Freedom of expression is the language. But in our industry, things are where they were. Insofar, due to years of flowers making out instead of actors in the song, sex is still the F-word. Ignorance is not only bliss but also an unconventional scapegoat.

There is a depressing trend by which models switch to acting without walking through a very important tunnel: acting school/theater. Something tells them they are born actors. Whatever that ‘something’ is, it mustn’t be trusted. Hollywood, despite its over-glamorous skin, keeps strengthening its core because of their professional mindset. Unlike our so-called superstars, actors out there work hard on their art rather than stardom.

Salman is not a bad actor. He simply prefers not to act. The last film in which he genuinely acted was Tere Naam. In the rest, he stopped being human and was busy being Salman. Even SRK suffers from this malady. In spite of being such a fabulous showman, his big screen presence always leaves something to be desired. Of course, his millions of fans may more than just beg to differ. But to me, his last great act was Chak De and before that, Swades. Aamir deserves applause for turning into a perfectionist and putting his arrogance to good use. Saif proved his thespian mettle in Omkara and has what it takes to be a good painter… of portrayals. Akshay, being the loudspeaker that he is, would prefer to make a bad movie with John than make a good one with someone who can emote. Hrithik redefines fabulous and is the Nadal of Bollywood due to the evident hardwork he puts into each role he chooses. Ranbir has to be the finest actor of his generation but sadly, he's mostly paired with actresses who can't balance his acting scale. On the other end of the spectrum, except for the few 'actresses', a dancing majority are overpaid nautch girls.

Some weeks ago, there were talks of reopening cinema halls in Kashmir following a long lull. After all, why should Kashmiris be exempted from all the terrible Hindi movies the rest of the country inadvertently tolerates?

The ball is stuck in Bolly's court

Hindi film industry never ceases to surprise us. While at some point we feel that it has moved ahead with leaps and bounds, at certain other points it feels like it is rapidly regressing. We have some wish list for Bollywood to help it squirm out of the shackles of ghisa pita formulae and take some risky steps forward…

NURTURE INDIE ATTEMPTS: Throughout the calendar year, we barely notice any independent work hitting the theatre. This situation can change if big movie banners throw their weight behind these small-budget filmmakers without interfering much in the creative process.

GO RURAL: Since the majority of India resides in villages, Hindi cinema can always tap this part of the country for stories. A fully rural- based work like Lagaan, Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi, Swades, Welcome to Sajjanpur, I am Kalam happens far and between. With Peepli Live, Aamir Khan proved that marketing skills makes all the difference at the Box Office.

DESI ANIMATION SOMEONE?: A majority of the animation we consider worth watching are imported from Hollywood studios. The reason behind this trend is pretty naïve: Our industry can’t match their standards nor wish to catch up with them. Intriguingly, Japan’s anime industry doesn’t ape the West in this regard as they created a niche for themselves with indigenous work like Ponyo, Spirited Away and Akira.

WHERE ARE THE DOCUS?: We have issues. Lots of them in fact. The reality is that there are documentary- makers out there whose work never hit the theatre due to absence of financial backing. This is precisely where Bollywood stars can step in. They can take a leaf from Leonardo DiCaprio who produced and narrated The 11th Hour. George Clooney did the same with Sand and Sorrow. Matt Damon asked all the grinding questions in the muchacclaimed The Inside Job.

BACK TO BLACK AND WHITE: We aren’t tired of colours but what’s the harm in churning out reels in monochrome or sepia for a change? The world cinema, if not just Hollywood, have done exceptionally well by reliving the good old charm. To boost this argument, flicks like The White Ribbon, Sin City, Good Night, and Good Luck and most recently, The Artist, were appreciated.

SAY AYE TO GAY: In the last few years, there have been commendable attempts by some filmmakers to bring homosexual characters to the forefront of screenplay. This trend is worth encouraging. So superstars, drop your inhibitions and say yes to a gay role.

RECLAIM THE ERA OF SILENCE: Silent cinema was considered to be passé. Until The Artist took place. With the kind of reviews it is earning and the number of awards it’s picking up, one can safely say that perhaps we need to think twice before calling this genre passé. If our memory serves us well, Pushpak ( starring Kamal Hassan) set the tone right for modern silent movies in India but unfortunately nobody followed the trail. Maybe it’s time.

WORK IN PROGRESS: Western cinema adheres to a concept yet adopted by ours — suggestions from peers during production phase. The producers there conduct trial shows the movies they’re working to get a better perspective from experts. Why not take off blinkers and ask an outsider’s honest point of view before release?

Bollywood could reach greater heights if only it stepped out of its safe cocoon more often. Everything said and done, as beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, cinema too lies in the eyes of the viewer. Ideally, Bollywood will surprise us. Hopefully, Bollywood won't disappoint us.

PS: MiD DAY puts the on in office when it publishes a hypothetical article such as this.

Biography se bioscope tak

It’s an ongoing trend in Hollywood to make biographical films. A Beautiful Mind, Alexander, The Aviator, The Queen, Frost/ Nixon, The King’s Speech, 127 Hours, Moneyball, J. Edgar and The Iron Lady are some recent examples. Bollywood hasn’t replicated this fad. Yet.

Interestingly, India’s first feature film Raja Harishchandra was a biopic. But the Hindi film industry continues to shy away from this genre for commercial reasons. Audience’s lack of zest for history is also to be blamed. Asoka, Rang De Basanti, Mangal Pandey — The Rising, Jodhaa Akbar, Guru, Bose: The Forgotten Hero and No One Killed Jessica were a handful of brave aberrations.

There is certainly no dearth of characters from our history to inspire film writers.

Here are some personalities who could inspire an interesting watch and the actors who might do justice to their role.

Sardar Patel (Aamir Khan): For a man who drew our map as we know it today, we barely know anything about him. After all, he was not called the Iron Man for nothing.

Dara Shikoh (Ranbir Kapoor): He was the rightful heir to Shah Jahan’s throne and a cheerful hedonist but a political fool. A Sufi liberal whose advocacy of Hindu- Muslim unity proved to be his undoing.

Sanjay Gandhi (Saif Ali Khan): Not only a Nehru scion and an apparent heir to the political dynasty, he was also someone who was a rebel and was drawn towards commotion. His magnetic demeanour mixed with hyperactivity and an eventual premature death makes his life quite cinematic.

The Emergency (Multiple Cast): A proper mainstream film on the 21- month long blemish on the face of Indian democracy is prone to drama… and dramatic characters.

Premchand (Irrfan Khan): The discoverer of the soul in rural India — the unsung Tolstoy of India. He influenced both Hindi as well as Urdu prose. Fortunately, we are aware of his beautiful stories. Unfortunately, we aren’t aware of his story.

Jyotirao-Savitribai Phule (Pavan Malhotra-Shahana Goswami) This Maharashtrian couple with their modern mindset faced huge opposition from the society but made long strides in the field of education and the upliftment of women and untouchables. Jyotirao was labelled the Mahatma long before Gandhiji and Savitribai set up India’s first female school.

Dhyan Chand (Shah Rukh Khan): The very symbol of Indian sportsmanship and the undisputed wizard of our national sport. His successful legacy stays surprisingly humble. He is party to awe- inspiring anecdotes that involve Bradman as well as Hitler.

Swami Vivekanand (R Madhavan): He died young, leaving behind a legacy of spirituality and the idea of a global Indian. The monk who made the West buy the eternal philosophy of Upanishads ought to make a wonderful script.

Bahadur Shah Zafar (Victor Banerjee): The last emperor of India and his melancholic final days in the country before being deported to Burma merits attention — not to mention his mental vagaries and poetic indulgences.

Budhia Singh (Irfan Khan of Chillar Party): The world’s youngest marathon runner who made the media wonder whether he was a victim of torture. They’ve already made a documentary on him. A movie would be going a mile further.

PT Usha (Poorna Jagannathan): Her journey towards becoming the fastest Indian woman wasn’t an easy one. Coming from a humble village, her life story has what it takes to make an enthralling sports flick.

JRD Tata (Naseeruddin Shah): A humane capitalist who provided a better meaning to the word enterprise in free India. Though we are familiar with the brand Tata, we don’t have much clue about his life.

Birbal (Kay Kay Menon): Arguably the wittiest person from the Mughal era. Apart from his brainy exploits in Akbar’s court, very little is known of him. This allows the writers to complement fiction with legends.

(NB: This over-imaginative article appeared on MiD DAY's Hitlist today.)

And the Oscars goes to the dogs!

Some things are better watched live and some things, alive. You have to give it to Oscars for being the most articulated celebrity circus in showbiz. Well, this year’s Oscars fell somewhere in the middle of nowhere. It wasn’t an epic disaster, so to speak, but still it lacked its quintessential spark. For starters, it lacked jokes. I don’t know about others but I don’t watch Oscars for fashion policing. I watch it for hilarity – the innocuous digs that the host takes at the A-list actors who in turn are left with no option but to join the laugh parade. This year’s Oscars was not only bereft of such could-have-been jocular moments but also the guy (read: TV show hosts/comedians) who usually carry out the deed.

At the risk of sounding ruthless, the emceeing wasn’t up-to-mark. But James Franco was as high as sky. The poor guy was stoned and on top of that, he had to act sober but failed miserably. He was way too busy smirking, giggling and forgetting his lines. His co-host, Anne Hathaway had to overcompensate for his lack of participation. Out of the two, Anne obviously did a better job. Her charming personality coupled with her singing and rapid wardrobe changing skills made her screen-time worthwhile. Yet it wasn’t enough.

There were some spectacular moments too. Thankfully. Like Kirk Douglas’ appearance on stage to present the Best Supporting Actress Award. At 94, with heavy breathy voice, he still remembers the art of entertainment. He cracked jokes on Australians, Colin Firth and even flirted with Melissa Leo before handing out the bald statuette. For the minutes he spent on stage, you couldn’t help thinking: Yes, Oscars is the country for old men. After all, the Academy ensures legends and the not-so-legendary oldies are paid their due respect.

This time around, they had Billy Crystal (who tickled the starry audience pink within seconds of entering) reminiscing an *encounter* with his idol Bob Hope on the very jocular stage he was standing, years ago. Then there were Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law who shared the stage and effortlessly created laughs. Randy Newman’s acceptance speech for Best Song crafted some genuine yet laughy instants.

Acceptance speeches are rarely pleasing to ears, let alone audacious or inspiring. This year was no different. But I liked the Best Documentary 'Inside Job' director Charles Ferguson’s assertive stand about the absence of recession-tainted corporate executives in jail. I remember Sean Penn doing something similar for gays’ rights when he won Best Actor in 2009. Then there was Tom Hopper who won Best Director for ‘The King’s Speech’ advising everyone to listen to their mothers for he did the same and was going home with the golden statue.

Needless to say, like millions of fellow Indians, I too dream of Oscars and revel in its unsubstantiated glory. This year had some Indians (Bollywoodians, to be precise) on the red carpet including Abhi-Ash and Ashutosh Gowariker. AR Rahman performed “If I Rise” on stage. Moreover, the musical engineer had two nominations for Danny Boyle’s ‘127 Hours’ which he didn’t win. Boyle who struck gold two years ago with ‘Slumdog Millionaire’, was the biggest loser this year as his movie couldn’t pick up a single win out of six nods.

And yes, there was Tariq Anwar who failed to grab the award for Best Editing in ‘The King’s Speech’. This was his second nomination after ‘American Beauty’. Had he won, he could have become the first post-Slumdog Indian to grab an Oscar. Sigh.

Christian Bale won the Best Supporting Actor for his skinny role in ‘The Fighter’. Natalie Portman bagged Best Actress for her irritating but awesome portrayal of a ballerina in ‘Black Swan’. Colin Firth was anyway the sole man in Best Actor’s race with his stammering in TKS so there were no surprises there. TKS also won the Best Picture award. Deservedly so, I must add.

When I say Oscars has gone to the dogs, I’ve got undeniable reasons. Christopher Nolan was snubbed as usual. He wasn’t even nominated for direction. Just imagine ‘Inception’ without Nolan’s imagination. Difficult, isn’t it? For all we know, the Academy has issues with geniuses like him. Darren Aronofsky and Roger Deakins (and many more) also belong to this helpless club. Formidable movies like 'True Grit' and 'Winter’s Bone' went home empty-handed. Well, '127 Hours' wasn't the favorite in the first place.

In some way, watching Oscars, having no inkling what the Academy is all about, I mean, who are these people who get to vote, helps a lot. Perhaps, for all its annual exaggerations, Oscars deserves a lifetime achievement award as well as retirement.

Whatever.

No matter how dull it was on television, we, on Twitter, successfully snubbed Monday morning blues thanks to Oscars. Yup. So that’s a brownie point there. Meanwhile, I learned a trick or two for my celebrated “career”. You see, I’m thinking of doing a James Franco in my office some night. I’ll let you know once I do it. Or maybe after I undo it.

4 Idiots!

Recently I watched a much-anticipated movie that was mired in hype, had my favorite Aamir Khan in it and was helped by a credit-controversy. It would take an Idiot to not know what I’m talking about here!

3 Idiots was in one word what I call “wordless”….not because it was perfect (which it wasn’t!) but for the very same reason Sachin is still the heartthrob of our nation in spite of going on ducks and 90s quite a few times in his career. In that context, 3 Idiots was more than paisa-vasool. 3 Idiots was not only entertaining but even educative, something which Bollywood, in general, has been inept at for most of the time. This movie calls for a change in the way educational system is functioning. It sends a message to our educators to educate us but not at the cost of making a robotic idiots out of the students. It does so not by propaganda or long lectures but through black comedy and strong plot, thanks to Raju Hirani’s exemplary vision and screenplay. After all, this is the guy who made Gandhi cool among GenNext.

The movie was set against a strenuous engineering college (very much similar to Chetan Bhagat’s Five Point Someone) with three students coming from different backgrounds played by Aamir, Madhavan and Sharman. Aamir played a 18 year old boy in this movie, and was excellent too. Madhavan did the narration using different tone for better grip of storyline. Very few actors in Hindi cinema today can smile and cry as genuinely as Sharman does. Not even Aamir can beat him when it comes to crying on screen. The “villainous” Professor part was superbly enacted by Boman Irani. Kareena Kapoor played a small but supportive role and proved that acting drunk is not as easy as being drunk!

But there is one person who needs to be mentioned here. In fact, I feel the name of the movie should have been 4 Idiots. The actor I’m talking about is Omi Vaidya. The name doesn’t ring a bell, isn’t it? That’s because we now know him by the name of “Chatur” who almost stole the show with his comic timing, perfect dialogue delivery and unprecedented accent. He was the only actor in the whole movie who stayed linear with his character, followed closely by Boman Irani.

Omi Vaidya is new to Bollywood but has done work in popular Western TV shows like CSI, The Office. Bones, and Arrested Development. Om “Chatur” Vaidya is more famous now. This fact is accentuated by the 150% rise in his popularity on STARmeter while Hollywood’s highest paid actor, Johnny Depp saw a 16% trough during the same period (courtesy IMDb). Colleges and school kids are repeating his hilarious dialogues and trying to lip-synch his accent. But that doesn’t undermine his acting credibility since Bollywood lacks true comical element since the days of Johnny Lever ebbed. Recently, he won awards for comic role hands down and will surely sweep the floor at coming award nights too.

I’d like to thank Omi Vaidya for this spectacular performance and also would want him to stay in Bollywood and experiment with different roles because Bollywood may be full of stars but is sadly dearth of true actors. Good luck to you, sir.

Wake Up Byd (Bollywood)

I’ve been waiting for Wake Up Sid since I saw its promos during Kaminey. It was released on Gandhi Jayanthi and I went to watch it yester-evening. And I knew this movie would have a bit of me in it just like most of my fellow youth out there!
First of all, I was glad that Bollywood is coming out of age and encouraging movies like these which isn’t “family-oriented” in general sense of bollywoodish speaking! The story is about a guy named Sidharth (Sid) who is the only son of a wealthy businessman and is not sure about his present or future, let alone his life. He is just happy spendthrifting his dad’s money on friends and lot. Then he meets this girl named Aisha who had somehow fulfilled her dream of coming to Mumbai from Kolkata and wants to lead an independent life of her.
The boy who is much younger than the female protagonist [which is't a norm yet!!] and has failed in his final years exam of graduation! The movie takes us through the unaware innocence of Sid’s hedonism and also through Aisha’s perceived emotional dependence that she initially doesn’t realize until the day Sid is about to move out of her life! Every guy has a bit of Sid in him and every gal has a bit of Aisha.
So you get the exact picture here. The movie is not the usual B’wood masala. It’s not novel either. If you follow cinema, you surely must have come across such movies where the boy is totally confused and lost about his career or what he wants to do with his life. Karan Johar who produced this movie is one of the “young turks” of Bollywood who will flirt with such ideas that are not only refreshing but even palatable in many ways, at least to the urban GenNext crowd, mostly college going kids!
This deviation started with the success of Dil Chahta Hai (DCH) by Farhan Akhtar who successfully made a movie that not only made college movies cool again but started a trend of sort. And I’m absolutely delighted with this new dawn in B’wood.
Wake Up Sid is a perfect tribute to the essence of Bombay (or Mumbai, if you like) and sings ode to the city with thousands of snaps throughout the movie. I guess its one of the kind, at least to my narrow knowledge where Mumbai is shown in such bright light. The music was awesome and Shankar-Ehsan-Loy rocked again. They did their magic with DCH earlier and this time too, they didn’t disappoint.
Its time Bollywood wakes up to such cinema and am glad she's yawning her way out of stupid formula movie with running around the tree thing!! Wake Up Bollywood!