Mouth on foot

They think you're wise. And then you talk. This has happened to me (and consequently to those who interacted ad interim) over and over again. Anyway, i'll point out six recent instances where my lack of attention and oversmartassness created unwittingly sitcom-ish scenarios.

Dialogue 1: 

Jay: "I don't want any excuses. You have to be at my wedding no matter what."

Me: "Sure, sure. But you'll be there, right?" 

                                                                          ****

Dialogue 2:

Mehv: "That song is from our Coke Studio or yours?" 

Me: "Of course, ours. Pakistani Coke Studio." 

                                                                          ****

Dialogue 3: 

Saket: "Hi. Saket." 

Me: "Naaaa, it's Shakti."

                                                                          ****

Dialogue 4:

Amma: "When are you planning to grow up?"

Me: "Tomorrow."

                                                                          ****

Dialogue 5:

Commuter: "#&)!*%*@#@!!~"

Me: "HAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAH..." 

                                                                          ****

Dialogue 6: 

Her: "Are you always this foolish?"

Me: "No. Only when i talk."

                                                                          ****

When dreams kill

If you were to ask 10 people their most preferable way to pass away, almost nine of them would say "I wouldn't mind dying in my sleep". Even if this weren't the exact sentence, the words to be noted here are mind and sleep. [We'll get to that later.] This reply has more to do with lack of imagination and logic than anything rational enough. There's an undying (no pun intended) romance attached to sleeping and never waking up. Also, it's considered to be painless although a layman doesn't really know what kind of experience the dead person had during those last moments of life. And one can't discount the fact that the deceased were engaged in one dream or the other before the Angel of Death kissed them on their forehead. So going by the circumstancial evidences, a dream murdered the hell out of you without leaving a hint of proof behind. What an assassin! Anyway, for the sake of curiosity, wouldn't you love to know what kind of subconscious film was the departed gentleman/lady engaged in? Better still, would you consider yourself extremely lucky if your dreams were to kill you? Literally. 

Eyes and lows

Every single day, we learn something about ourselves. Something we overlooked otherwise. Something others saw but we somehow failed to. Yesterday, a colleague pointed out that i walk in the office with my eyes fixed on the floor as if i'm searching for a lost coin. Until he brought this to my notice, i had no idea that i walked like that. That sounded like the walking posture of a serial killer with a day job. In my head, i walked like Brad Pitt or Ryan Gosling or both. But in reality, turns out i walk like...err.. me. For an introvert briefly experimenting with extorvertism, it was a mixed epiphany: "Wow, 27+ years on this planet spent avoiding as many eye contacts as possible!" 

Well done, me.

Quote unquote

"Hi. This is Shakti Shetty calling from Midday." 

"Who?"  

"Shakti from Midday."

"I thought you were female. Shakti sounds like a girl's name."

"Sorry to disappoint you, sir, but do you have 5 minutes?"

"Sure."

"Do you think Bollywood is a surname-driven industry?"

"What?"