Mouth on foot

They think you're wise. And then you talk. This has happened to me (and consequently to those who interacted ad interim) over and over again. Anyway, i'll point out six recent instances where my lack of attention and oversmartassness created unwittingly sitcom-ish scenarios.

Dialogue 1: 

Jay: "I don't want any excuses. You have to be at my wedding no matter what."

Me: "Sure, sure. But you'll be there, right?" 

                                                                          ****

Dialogue 2:

Mehv: "That song is from our Coke Studio or yours?" 

Me: "Of course, ours. Pakistani Coke Studio." 

                                                                          ****

Dialogue 3: 

Saket: "Hi. Saket." 

Me: "Naaaa, it's Shakti."

                                                                          ****

Dialogue 4:

Amma: "When are you planning to grow up?"

Me: "Tomorrow."

                                                                          ****

Dialogue 5:

Commuter: "#&)!*%*@#@!!~"

Me: "HAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAH..." 

                                                                          ****

Dialogue 6: 

Her: "Are you always this foolish?"

Me: "No. Only when i talk."

                                                                          ****

One-eyed wonder

The greatest difference between pigeons and sparrows is that i've never seen the latter fight amongst themselves for food. At least not on my window sill. I feed both of them daily. Separately. In my case, sparrows are the early birds who get the grains instead of worms (for the record, they are pakka vegetarians unlike what most of us assume) while the pigeons arrive later for the same. Given the depleting state of the little birds—along with monsoon frogs—in our city, it's heartening to see them mark their attendance without fail. And like i said earlier, they don't have petty quarrels. They are tiny and cheerful creatures. Pigeons, on the contrary, exhibit a behavior obnoxiously close to what humans call assholes. Plus, they make SHITTY enemies. And they are very delusional. Have you seen them follow an absurd ritual of turning round and round on the spot? They believe it'll create tornado or something. Idiots. Speaking of which, two pigeons got into a tussle for some reason this morning and in the brutal heat of battle, forget their border and tumbled into my kitchen. It was so intense that one of them deftly poked its beak into another's eye. At that very moment, the fight came to an end and both rushed out of the window. Only to return a few minutes later to finish their breakfast. One with two eyes and the other with just one.