I want to...

I don’t really believe in jotting down New Year resolutions. Not for lack of trying but the concept loses its hold within weeks, if not days. At least that has been the case with me. Before you realize it, the initial thrill gives way to drag. If there was a way to continue feeling the way we felt on 1st Jan, then things would have been completely different. Sadly, that ain’t the case. If it was, i would have gained a book or two instead of gaining weight in 2016. Anyhow, there’s no harm in thinking out loud what one really wants to accomplish in the coming days, if not weeks.

Spend more time on reading. I genuinely upped the scale last year by sitting through short profiles, long essays, longer stories (fiction as well non), endless parables, enlightening anecdotes and some books. Perhaps it’s high time i covered more books this time around. My problem with reading is i’m not a fluent reader. I read a page and if i come across even one doubt, i google the shit out of it. That’s a literal getting stuck in a black hole scenario.

Invest more time on writing. Again, i raised the previous limits by wording my thoughts on several platforms. I was pretty decent at updating my blog too, if one excuses the miniskirt versions of blog posts. Similarly, i was active on Twitterverse except for the 3-month break i took in March-May. In 2017, i want to do productive writing and complete those two stories i should have completed back in 2015!

Prioritize before it’s too late. I’m 30 and not getting any younger. I should see things clearer by now but that’s not happened yet. Although i’m not fond of the C-word, one must know what they are aiming towards. A set goal—with respect to time, of course— has to be in place. It could be for anything from doing something on a professional level to attempting something on a personal level irrespective of the result.

Be healthy. I’ve got way too many health issues for someone my age. Frequent headrush, migraine and acid reflux are three of the prime villains but there are many more under the surface. I need to get going. Like for real. Sedentary lifestyle, where entertaining stress is the only known workout, won’t help in the long run. Speaking of which, i got to run. And put those running shoes i ordered last year to work. 

Embrace positivity. For years, i’ve been the patron saint of pessimism. If you ask me whether this/that can be done, my answer is seldom yes. I hate uplifting my hopes and then disappoint others. Perhaps it’s time to embrace optimism and see the light without moving towards the tunnel’s end.

Loosen up a bit. No, no, i’m perfectly fine with my won’t-drink-can’t-smoke-no-nothing policy. No doubt i consumed a lot of painkillers in 2016, i’ve noticed that my otherwise conservative outlook has eaten into my spirit too. If i’m not mistaken, one tends to become boring (because you avoid people who allegedly enjoy life) and rigid (because your OCD doesn’t allow you to relax at all) and pitiful (because you’re leading a cleaner yet unhealthy lifestyle) when you are like me. 

Sleep sounder. I don't know how but i must ensure i go back to the short-lived routine of sleeping by 10.30pm and waking up by 6.30am. 

Adhere to silence. Although i went quiet on social media back in 2010, my real world persona continues to be that of a person who isn’t comfortable with silence. Small surprise why i not only end up striking conversations all around me but i’m also the one who’d say hello first. I guess i’m the only person on the entire floor who talks to the security guys! A bit of restrained wordlessness won’t hurt because i'm tired of making others comfortable.

Believe. And go against the very first sentence of this vain blog post.

New year, same old shit

2013 is dead and gone while 2014 seems like a promising infant. Insofar, the ghosts of the former will be instrumental in shaping the latter. Things won't change drastically unless somebody close—if not you yourself—chooses to pass away. Regardless, the sun shall continue to work non-stop but the moon will play truant behind the clouds. Tides will rise and fall; wind move and halt. Hearts shall warm up when mountains melt. Broken news and patchy principles. In the meantime, wrinkles shall silently sneak in. If you're lucky enough, words won't play along with silence. And you'll grow up. 

PS: What if this year does to us what we couldn't to the one that preceded it?

Annus Futurus

The nicest thing about Monday is that it eventually comes to an end. Today, however, the same is true about 2012. It's getting over as well and one can feel it pass by. A few more hours and we'll be having 2013 on the masthead. Remarkable, isn't it? Our species has made it so far, leaving the history behind. The past means a lot to us but we seldom let it supersede the present. This particular year did something similar to my curious case of inertia. I experienced a lot of new things while achieving a bit of this and that. Being an entertainment journo facilitated most of them. 

• For beginners, I graduated. Finally. At the age of 26. In BA (English Literature) though I'm still wholeheartedly committed to the noble cause of grammatical errors. Might do my Masters someday and then vie for PhD later. Hopefully, that is. What's the harm in dreaming? Didn't I once dream of becoming an innovative electronics engineer? 
• I turned vegetarian and learned that it doesn't make an iota of difference to your soul. On the contrary, it made me aware of all the horror vegetables go through because of us. Ergo, I've effectively given up vegetarianism now. Food is meant to keep us alive and we are meant to kill it.
• Prophet once said that travelling teaches us more than the books. So I did what was needed to be done. My dream destination has been Pakistan for a while now and I tried to sneak in through a Islambad-based youth conference. Unfortunately, I couldn't make it. As a consolation, I visited Wagah border and witnessed the pleasant height of jingoism. Too close yet so far. Next year, it would be Jinnah's Disneyland. No matter what!
• Getting inked has been at the top of my priorities for years now. I got. At last. Two tattoos on each sleeves. One dedicated to Tibet and the other to my parents. They weren't impressed by either (as if I was expecting them to be). I'm certainly not stopping at two. There are few more to come and stay in the name of body art.  
• Learned how to spell the F-word correctly on social media. Pallav from Twitter helped a lot in this direction. I still maintain zero-contact on timeline and deserve all the fuck-yous from tweeps who assume I must be a full-time snob. Plus, i reduced tweeting to as much as possible.      
• Interviewed some impressive personalities like Binayak Sen, Lucky Ali, Shashi Tharoor, Bhanu Athaiya, Anand Gandhi, Kareena Kapoor, Ronaldinho, Salim Khan, Mira Nair, Aakar Patel, Daniel Craig, Gautam Navlakha, Jahnu Baruah, Adil Hussain, Pankaj Mishra, Rani Mukerji and Amish Tripathi. 
• Watched a lot of brilliant movies—in theatres for a change. Not that I stopped downloading but still watching gems on big screen is something else. Being used to 19-inch monitor screen had limited my sense of perception. I kind of rediscovered its potential somewhere in the darkness of a cinema hall. 
• Started the year with cycling (thanks to a friend) and ended it with jogging (thanks to a friend). Apparently my erstwhile six-pack abs miss me and vice versa.

There are many more stuff worth mentioning here but I don't remember them. I'm trying my level best but I can't. I guess I don't want to embarrass myself anymore. Besides, I'm growing old(er) at a worrisome rate. Being single for way too long often does that to people like me. Life is worthless anyway. Lastly, whoever is reading this tripe, I hope you quit next year. If not, at least overlook my narcissistic conclusions. May y'all reach such heights of success that vertigo becomes your nemesis. Best of all. Also, I secretly love you.

New Year Nosolutions

It's that time of the year when the year seems to be ending quicker than the previous one. Of course, it’s just an illusion. And these are moments when Albert “Theory of Relativity” Einstein can’t stop rolling in his coffin. Actually the problem lies somewhere north of our eyes. We are “blessed” with a brain they say, a wet mesh that imagines and fantasizes and whatnot.

We want to make time relevant to us which aren’t always the case. Most of the time, time doesn’t give a damn about us. We are just another fart in the air for it. So to convince ourselves of our importance and objectives, we create New Year resolutions. Yes, that long list of unattainable endeavors that takes you nowhere but back to New Year. This list is very much like the bucket list, the only difference being there isn’t a movie called *New Year Resolutions* yet.

See, we don’t want to age. We don’t want to grow any stupider than we already are. We want to prosper. Some even want to lose weight and gain health. Most of us want to become famous, at least on social media, if not in real life. A few of us also want to get married and then have a resolution of “I won’t marry again!” for next year. And yes, I repeat, we don’t want to age.

People are so centered on the way they look. It’s like neo-narcissism or something. In simpler words, we are becoming narcissists who are badly in love with our ugliness. Aging was supposed to be an indication of wisdom but today it’s more like a testament to the beauty products one applies. It’s not our fault I guess. It’s part of evolution (or devolution, for the simple minded!). C’mon, your beauty belongs to you, not time.

Every year leaves behind a pile of unnecessary lessons to learn and New Year resolutions to scorn. I too have my last year’s promises which sadly I couldn’t see through in ‘10. In fact, I’ve got just 2 more days to go before my 2010 New Year resolutions' top priority – getting a tattoo – expires. But it’s OK. I won’t kill myself – my seventh and last priority.

Methinks more important stuff gets overlooked. Like last year, I was clueless about what I wanted to be but right now I'm full of clues but no definite answer. You know, shit happens. And then repeats itself. Like karmic cycle.

Anyway, I've realized that years will come and go but New Year resolutions will stay with us. Always. They are like our best friends we never thought we had. They’ll stick with us through thick and thin and everything in between.

As of me, I won’t have resolutions, notwithstanding my skin-deep desire to get inked. I’ll be as careless as I can be. I’ll try my best not to give into societal diction. I may sound a goner but that’s what I am. Perhaps I’m just another 24 year old fool afraid of turning into a 25 year old fool, this coming year.