So long

It's depressing the way comics die. At least the ones who commit suicide. Doesn't make sense at all. Or maybe it does. They make us laugh while they suffer in silence, huh? Unfair enough. Cracking jokes for a living might sound churlish but they throw light on stuff that's often neglected. Messiahs in their own right. With microphones in their hands, they show us the mirror while making sure we are laughing at ourselves. It's sheer genius of comedy. Robin Williams was undoubtedly a leading star in this regard. He just knew how to tickle without being offensive. No mean writer but a splendid thinker and words were happy to be his slaves. So he ended up saying what he had to say on the stage. No wonder improvisation came naturally to him when he acted in films. Some of the memorable dialogues he quoted for the big screen were ad-libbed. And one can't help but feel the urge to hug him the way most of his co-stars did. The warmth emanating from his characters was undeniable. Especially his pedagogy acts in Dead Poets' Society (1989) and Good Will Hunting (1997) leave us tormented. We can't stop feeling sorry for ourselves because we never had a teacher like him. Nobody saw through us or took time off to show us the way he did with those sweater-clad students or young Matt Damon. Maybe because we weren't gifted enough. Regardless, his films continue to stand for unbridled joy and hope. So, in a way, it makes sense to wake up to a day that compels us to be sad for our loss.

Expression of Depression

There’s something about depression that grows on you. Maybe it’s depression itself. Maybe not. You keep on falling down and down to a point of absolute comfort. You are zoned. Most of the time, you take a U-turn and come back to your senses and deal with the fall. But sometimes, you just fade away.

Once in a while, life makes you realize you were born to be depressed. Of small things. Of big things. Of nothings. But you’ve got to be depressed to be part of the crowd. Perhaps, you are not content with the way you look or smell or think or express. And worst of all – no wait, worstest of all – people think they know you. It’s like you are a guinea pig in a huge social experiment. Society is, after all, an invisible layer of stress, constantly wanting you to act in a certain way or the other. But at the end of the day, no can harm you more than you. That’s an unestablished fact.

We keep chasing happiness only to realize it was peace of mind, not happiness, we were after. No wonder sadness is never out of fashion. It’s always there around the corner waiting to pounce on you and won’t give up until you yield to its magic. A big part of the problem dwells in our mindset too. We shape our desires and ambitions and worldly hoo-haa-haa according to elements encircling us. We are never really free, you reckon?

Some of us confuse depression with disease. Even science wants us to believe so. Well, it’s a personal take but if depression is a medical disorder, then happiness is too. Shrinks may not agree as they are too busy stuffing you with drugs that go smoothly with your hollow system and your supremely f-ed-up mind.

We are facing our own creations. Moreover, sadness is underestimated for all the power it holds. In reality, it is more powerful than happiness. A happy moment doesn’t stick with you for long. Blame it on biased amnesia but that’s how it is. Smiling randomly reminiscing about gone good days doesn’t take place much often but crying hoarse over how life had been unfair in the past is quite a famous exercise.

As usual, there was no straightforward intention to come up with this piece. Just plain depression at not being able to come up with anything better.

Why are we sad?

Every morning i wake up, i realize my face getting old every single time. May be, I'm dreaming even after splashing water on face. I always felt a bit more odd being in crowd but now-a-days its odder staring at my own self. Either I'm moving myself towards something they call crisis or may be, I'm just meant to be this stupid. Failure doesn't make you a loser. Failure teaches you, enriches you and makes you more competent. I have not failed. That has solely to do with the fact that i haven't tried much in my recent life either.

Leaving engineering was the single biggest thing i did and i'm not much proud of it or ashamed coz i believe that we are cut out for certain purposes and if we don't oblige by that call of duty then we are doomed to remorse all through. I know that writing and teaching is my passion and i'll have to give it a head start from the grass root approach. Wasting a good seven years of your life in pursuit of engineering glory and then suddenly waking up someday to acknowledge this propensity, this strong urge of not doing something that i was so used to. Attending classes but getting lost in reverie of untold and unbounded adventure, free life and lores of hedonistic vindication.

Right now, i have the whole world in front of me and all i have to do is embrace it and get along. this is one option. The other one is to stay coherent to my grammar of understanding and illogical rationality that has encapsulated me for a very long time and designs to do so for upcoming life. Living is not existing and if i decide whether i want to go ahead with this literature and cinema thing and try something out for myself in this huge void of anonymity.

My dysfunctional family got a wrong boost with my failure in asserting my stand on my chosen career and of course, laziness too. They could have been kinder had i been a bit more sincere and adequate with common sense. Whatever be the consequences, we all learn, we err, we fall and fail and win and hail.... we all survive.