Over and above

In case if you haven't noticed yet, monsoon is abandoning us. The seasonal love affair is gradually coming to an end. It can't help but move on to wetter pastures leaving us baking under the sun. For some reason, umbrella personifies this connection between the sky and lesser mortals. Of course, sunlight and celestial dust touch us too but rain ki baat hi kuch aur hai. You know exactly when it hits you except when you're busy under Rihanna's umbrella. Moreover, we don't come across a lot of people who use it to avoid sunshine or heavenly powder. The poor thing not only protects us but also teaches a few lessons in life—provided you're paying heed. The beauty about this humble non-living creature is it has learnt to forgive the weather. An umbrella acknowledges the universal truth that there ain't no point in arguing with the clouds. Or the mighty sun. When it's open and wide, it's either keeping you dry or drying itself from the warmth outside. Of course, when the wind is harsh, all its philosophies go for a toss, including itself. Every once in a while, it loses itself too and the blame falls on you. But then, it's not monsoon unless you lost an umbrella or two...before it bids us goodbye!

Why doesn't Leo turn into a chameleon?

He's indubitably one of the finest actors in recorded history. And he has bedded so many supermodels that he must be knowing Victoria's secret. His playboy image notwithstanding, he brings to his craft a touch of unforeseen dedication. But Leonardo DiCaprio is rarely seen in heavy makeup. Or crazy costumes. Or for that matter, a makeover. He finally managed to break his onscreen good-guy image with a racist act in Django Unchained last year. Oh yes, he put on an accent in Blood Diamond and bulked up for J. Edgar although the awards didn't roll in. Speaking of which, his second film What's Eating Gilbert Grape earned him an Oscar nod. For the record, he played a mentally challenged boy in it with such panache that the drool-worthy Jack Dawson had to redeem him four years later. Of course his career literally launched into new heights post-Titanic with dismissible bumps in the middle. The new millennium saw him collaborate with bigwigs like Scorsese, Spielberg, Ridley Scott, Clint Eastwood, Nolan, Luhrmann and Tarantino. He's doing great but wouldn't it be greater to don on a mask for a change or build six-packs or something? Johnny Depp has been so much into character that you may not even remember the last time you saw his face in a film. Similarly, it's impossible to separate Wolverine from Hugh Jackman. Brad Pitt went a step ahead and wore a skirt in Troy. When was the last time Leo did something crazy or wasn't similar to how he looked like in his previous film? He'll be turning 40 in a couple of months and has already starred in 24 full-length movies. The Wolf of Wall Street will be 25th. Does he look different in the trailer?

A wrong of change

Last year, just before 2012 was coming to an end, something happened in New Delhi that shook us. Last week, an incident of a similar nature took place in a city that isn't the official Rape Capital of India. The guys who orchestrated that heinous crime in the North were majorly Hindus while those repeating the same in the West were mostly Muslims. What it tells is violation of a woman happens irrespective of region and religion. It doesn't even matter whether they are literate or not even though it's worth nothing that none of our educated friends are rapists even if they are bona fide chauvinists. 

Is this true in your case too?

However, there's something much more complicated at work than what meets the eye. Rape is not the only act meriting an unambiguous scorn. Making the most of a crowded public place—be it molesting or eve-teasing—is equally contemptible. Secondly, there needs not be any distinction between a member of a gang-rape squad and a pack of wolves as both attack with an intention to destroy. At least the latter don't blame anything on inebriation or propaganda. As a human society, we can step back and ask why such horrible non-events take place. 

And why always men?

Is it because we usually think with our genitals? If so, why aren't all men violators? Or are they? Maybe they are but are just too smart to get caught. Hmmm. We'll never have a clue for sure. Perhaps the answer lies in the fact that the day before a guy decided to turn shameless in order to execute an act that he wouldn't like his sister to be part of, he was just another guy who hadn't committed that act at all. The point being you never know how you'll behave next. Uncertainty sucks. The circumstances that drive one towards a dark abyss might very well reveal some psychological clues. 

But that's not it. 

During the Year Mayans Predicted The World Will End, around 25,000 of our womenfolk were raped. This year won't be very different given the higher rate of reporting injustice which is a healthy as well as a sad sign. The figures aren't going down though. On the other hand, the number of AIDS patients are decreasing in such a manner that pharmaceutical companies producing antiretroviral are filing losses! But then, rape is incurable. No amount of penance can rid the perpetrator of his unspeakable crimes and nobody can possibly bring normalcy back to the victim.

Not always

Sometimes not knowing much helps. Sometimes seeing is belying. Sometimes even life can't prepare you for death. Sometimes the rain stops in the middle but your tears don't. [Related: Crying in the rain is a risky business!] Sometimes our mood is so blue that Coldplay's Yellow can't fix us. Sometimes we express words and sometimes, words express us. Sometimes beauty kills us and at times, it does worse. Sometimes strong sentences don't make as much of an impact as broken jaws. Sometimes you breathe because you've got nothing better to do. Sometimes your face feels like it has been punched by the mirror. Sometimes all you want to do is use your superpowers to log off. Sometimes you don't know why you're happy. [Warning: People often find themselves getting married during such uncertain moments.] Sometimes conversation is the last resort to silence. Sometimes your true calling turns out to be a false alarm. Sometimes the least one can do for others is not exist. Sometimes you star others' tweets just to annoy them. Sometimes even emoticons fail us. Sometimes we act exactly the way we are—and are duly surprised! Sometimes i feel emptier than my bank account. Sometimes music ends up touching all the inappropriate parts in an appropriate manner. Sometimes the darkest hour takes place in broad daylight. Sometimes you need chaos to remind yourself that you're alive and kicking. Sometimes the questions are wrong and answers, right. Sometimes even the superheroes don't come to our rescue. Sometimes you feel older than death. Sometimes we're too selfish to understand love. [Corollary: Sometimes that's how it should be.] Sometimes opportunity loses direction and knocks on your window. Sometimes forever lasts a bit too long. Sometimes you don't know what you're trying to do until it's done. Sometimes people talk to you because they want to hear their own voice. Sometimes you have to destroy yourself to know who you really are. Sometimes our mere existence is a euphemism for getting a joke right. Sometimes even death falls shot of curing fame. Sometimes you feel trapped like that fart inside an overcrowded compartment of a local train. Sometimes your youth outlives you. Sometimes you do your friend a favour and he doesn't forgive you for that. Sometimes she stares at him and witnesses herself fading away. Sometimes "How are you dying?" evokes a more honest response than "How are you doing?". Sometimes life cycle gets punctured by career. Sometimes you're merely few people away from getting a headache. Sometimes giving up requires courage too. Sometimes cussing works wonders while prayers don't. Sometimes things are right in front of you but you don’t see them. [Addendum: Precisely when an eye checkup comes handy.] Sometimes you're so hormonally fucked up that even Kolaveri Di or Gangnam Style makes you weep. Sometimes you need that someone to wake you up from your hopeless dreams. Sometimes you just want others to tell you "It's alright" when you yourself know that it isn't. Sometimes all you need is Rajinikanth to pat your back and say "Don't worry". Sometimes we ask questions only to receive more questions in return. Sometimes joking is injurious to ego. Sometimes your entire body feels like that fingertip on which a butterfly just landed. Sometimes we feel like that finger that has just gotten out of the nose. Sometimes the night feels like talking to morning but then realizes that the latter doesn't deserve such cruelty. Sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night to make sure i ain't dead yet. Sometimes we've got to heel ourselves. Sometimes your inner voice is accented too. Sometimes you wonder why you waste your time on something as trivial as virtual world. [Rebuttal: But then it's almost impossible in today's age to win a widespread audience in the real world.] Sometimes i wish i was a shepherd who earned at least as much as i'm currently doing. Sometimes our luck can't help being a kleptomaniac. Sometimes your plans resemble an e-mail typed with buttocks. Sometimes all you need is a voice to tell you how messed up you really are. Sometimes our soul sounds like it's taking a dump. Sometimes enough is almost enough. Sometimes she acts like a guitar with messed up chords. Sometimes a song doesn't like you. Sometimes you feel as clueless as that toothbrush lying on the dining table. Sometimes your office appears a lot like home but with more egoistic characters. Sometimes sentiments are available in subsidized format. Sometimes all you need to do to make the world a better place is sleep on time. Sometimes it takes more than a lifetime to find that place called home. Sometimes silence is the biggest lie ever told. Sometimes even an elevator lets you down. Sometimes your past dances like crazy in front of you leaving you wonder - "What the fuck is this all about?" Sometimes we are what we are—nothing more, nothing less. Sometimes she misses his incompetence. Sometimes it appears like our whole existence is staged. Sometimes fate makes you feel like an unpaid whore...and then you get used to it. Sometimes all you want to do is nothing and still you're unable to do it. Sometimes i wish i was bored like you instead of busy like me. Sometimes starting sentences with 'Sometimes' doesn't help the case.

Quote unquote

"Hi. This is Shakti Shetty calling from Midday." 

"Who?"  

"Shakti from Midday."

"I thought you were female. Shakti sounds like a girl's name."

"Sorry to disappoint you, sir, but do you have 5 minutes?"

"Sure."

"Do you think Bollywood is a surname-driven industry?"

"What?"

Ecoknowmics

First truth first. The economy isn't in doldrums. We are. With India's growth rate and inflation both hovering around 5.5%, Rupee becoming the newest world diving champion isn't astonishing. I saw it coming. I even tweeted about it more than two years ago. [Related: That's the Raghuram Rajan in me talking!] Not that anybody cares, my expertise in the field of economics is limited to my pocket. But i know for sure what suffers the most when things aren't running hunky-dory. Smile. People fall victims to amnesia that keeps them from letting that shade of light enter their eyes or brighten their faces. Inflation of emotions ain't a good sign for the economics of reality. Thus Great Depression takes place. As a result, laughter becomes a rare commodity. The fact is that economy is too wide to be understood by commoners. When an economist asks us to do the math, we don't. We'd rather count the number of zeroes in Gareth Bale's estimated value in the transfer window. Words like liquidity, depreciation, fiscal deficit and ilk require degrees to grasp. But given the significance they have in the current scenario, it's a pity that kids don't aspire to be economists. Although the subject deals with natural elements that have hardly anything to do with humans—or their so-called money—and their intelligence, it's pretty hypnotic. Furthermore, it ain't cute to have an opinion about FDI when you can hardly understand the mechanics of market. It's way so complex that a phrase here and an idiom there won't help. Speaking of which, life has stopped handing out free lemons and freer jokes. Blame it on economic uncertainties. Dismal is in the air and growth is far from taking root. In fact, the only growth i've personally witnessed were in my pompous one-liners, corny blog-posts, expectations, movie downloads, Internet bills and beard.

One man, two insights

One man's hunger is another man's food for thought. One man's meat is another man's proverb. One man's "Oops!" is another man's "You're fired". One man's mistakes are another man's wisdom. One man's Saturday is another man's Friday. One man's Monday is, well, another man's Monday. One man's courage is another man's outrage. One man's anger is another man's nirvana. One man's tweet is another man's uncredited quote. One man's onion is another man's opinion. One man's salary is another man's joke. One man's dream is another man's nightmare. One man's wife is another man's password. One man's truth is another woman's rumour. One man's food is another man's thought of hunger. One man's :( is another man's :P!