An act of expecting memories

September 11 isn't just another day. Some historic stuff have taken place on this particular date. Swami Vivekananda delivered his remarkable speech in Chicago (1893), thus introducing the hitherto ignorant West to Hindu philosophy. In 1906, Gandhi wholeheartedly adopted Satyagraha in South Africa making sure non-violence becomes more than just an afterthought. Leaving his experiment incomplete and his baby directionless, Jinnah succumbed to TB today in 1948 as well. Lastly, we all know what happened in New York at the turn of the century and how 9/11 became a proper noun while terrorism, abstract. And tonight, i'm leaving for Ladakh. Got to admit it feels nice to include myself in an illustrious league of extraordinary gentlemen. Long live exaggerations! For the biographer's record, i've been in awe of that place (along with Tibet and Tawang) long before Aamir Khan made it a household name. It's supposed to be scenic—something i'll confirm when i reach there tomorrow—hopefully, that is. Though i'm visiting for work, being there won't be anything less than a wish come true. The only trouble is whether i'll be able to bring myself back home. 

Aim but don't shoot!

Ladies, pepper spray is overrated. According to recent studies, it won't work four out of 10 times and even if it does, your safety will depend purely on your ability to sprint. You can't afford to stay in the area where you've unleashed a pepper-heavy whiff. If you don't run, you'll end up falling into your own trap by sneezing in tandem with your assailant/s. So what you need to carry in your purse/clutch/whateverthatisyoucarrywithyou along with a pepper spray is a gun. A real one but unloaded. Nothing scares the shit out of a man like a pistol. It doesn't even have to be filled with bullets. All you need to do is posture. Imagine you're eve-teased or wolf-whistled or violated in any form by the public. Now imagine the reaction on the faces of those who attempted these aforementioned idiocies provided you're aiming a gun at them. You'll attract attention, yes, but you'll also help divert some to ground realities. Women are deemed effete because they've chosen the same. Our nation ain't anti-guns so i'm not really propagating anything unconstitutional. You can legally register and thus get a firm grip on reality. Moreover, when a messenger is bringing a bad news, it's OK to scare him.

A touching story

I recently bought an Android embedded phone. It's a delight actually to see how amazing a piece of technology could behave. Even Graham Bell would have been surprised! At least i am. I knew that something incredible is going on on the cellphone front but my curiosity never got the best of me. I somehow managed to stay indifferent. To the point that i was the only with an outdated Nokia handset while my friends and colleagues shifted to QWERTY. In my defense, i was happier with the longer battery life of my poverty-stricken phone. Slowly but steadily, i could see the world falling for touchscreen and before i realized it, Android was in vogue. Everybody's fingers were seen tap dancing smoothly on the screen allowing fingertips to don the proverbial power. Awesome indeed. 

Well, i had progressed to QWERTY by then. No shit. I was content nonetheless. It wasn't like i didn't have the money. Just that i never felt the need to buy something fancy. 

This was before i finally bought something fancy. 

I took Tushar to shop and we ended up buying a phone none—let me repeat, NONE—have heard of. I sprang upon it because it perfectly matched my low budget. I brought it home but couldn't bring myself to give up on my old phone. As a result, i kept using it for 1.5 months more than intended before finally switching to the one with the influential touch. I'm still getting a hang of it. It's cool though to learn so much about apps. Speaking of which, WhatsApp has become a toy. It takes me back to the cyber café days of chatting with strangers. However, i'm not chatting as such. It's more of Hi-Byes and nobody on my gadget is a perfect stranger. Nice to be distracted by real people for a change.

Besides, there's no advantage, whatsoever, in being a Luddite. You just do one thing: suffer. The adage of ignorance being a bliss doesn't help either. That burden of holding a scepter which says TECHNOLOGICALLY CHALLENGED has no pride attached to it. I can say all this and much more because i am one of them. It's no surprise that electronics gave up on me before i could. Also, humankind needs smarterphones with higher touchscreen accuracy and lower charge wastage.

For old times' sake

It was evident from the wrinkled face of that old man standing in the super-packed local that Harbour Line is the worst. It's worse for senior citizens. And the younger lot seldom stand up for what is right. They somehow remain seated. I don't know if that poor fella was expecting anybody to give up one of their seats but what i know for sure is—as expected—none did. 

Is shehar ne jaanwar bana diya hai hamein; aur humne ise chidiyaghar. 

I sincerely hope the grand/fathers of all those who overlooked him last night find someone kinder in their commutes. It's as if they couldn't keep their ass from touching a surface for even few minutes. Apparently, running is the only non-gymnastic function in which gluteal muscles get to work. Otherwise, all these internal organs are good at is expanding. 

For the dismal record, Mumbaikars run only after public transport. Makes sense when they over-credit themselves for finding a place to sit.

At times i wonder why isn't there a separate compartment for oldies, especially when there is one for the womenfolk and the disabled. Lastly, why not an Oldies Special in the line of Ladies Special?

Sorry

Whoever you are, thanks for visiting this page. 

Turns out i've got nothing insignificant to share this time around. Been too occupied with saving the world and all that razzmatazz. Which is just another lousy excuse for not having anything to write on. Sometimes the wannabe writer in me behaves a bit like Pakistan. He's unsure whether he has failed already or is still failing. It's very similar to humanity taking a fall. You never know whether it's for real.

Better luck next time.

PS: Yeah, i love you too for being so dramatic.

Byproducts of progress

Crows, rats, owls, dogs and cats—wittingly or unwittingly—help in keeping our city clean. While facing starvation, they put their dignity aside and find the grub in garbage. Nothing astonishingly new in that. What's worth noting here is the rising number of filth and the decreasing number of bins. For what can't be explained, our urban planners (if there are any) don't count the need to put trash cans in adequate numbers at appropriate distance. Even a cleanliness-obsessed citizen would lose morale to such apathy. And believe me, he does. 

  Which brings us to the question: is littering an urban phenomena?

I've been to villages. Quite a lot of them, actually. And one thing is common to all of them. They are clean. You don't see vile polythene carriers strewn helter-skelter. On the other hand, there's hardly any wastage. Consumerism is low and practical minimalism, high. Yes, it can't be denied that lack of development is to be squarely blamed for the relative orderliness. But then, even small villages are slowly getting a hang of urbanity and the first sign of this change are the plastic bags half-buried on the side of the kaccha roads. 

  Which brings us to the illation: the culprit is not modernity but incompetence. 

We know how essential plastic has become in our day-to-day life. What we may not know is the potential danger it poses to our future generations (if there will be any). A replacement is going to be costly and by the time something comes up, the ugly polythene pile one witnesses while travelling in a local train will have turned uglier. At the same rate, the plastic bags will be fully buried on the rural roadsides.

  Which brings us to the remedy: it's high time crows, rats, owls, dogs and cats ate plastic!

Oxymoronic home truths

Even though calling yourself a Hindu nationalist might inspire awe, it's nothing more than a collaboration of two completely out-of-place powerful words. Indian nationalist makes real sense. First of all, the term Hindu has more to do with geographical identity than religious. Thanks to whatever has happened to our great civilization over the past 2000 years, this distinction has sadly blurred to the point that politicians are making hay while Sanatana doesn't shine. It's a clear case of myopic ignorance. People would probably disagree with this as they don't like to see beyond what's visible. Regardless, who liked geography in school anyway? Or for that argument, history? Going back to the aforementioned magical words, if a person is a Hindu (which anybody who feels s/he's part of this ageless land is), he doesn't have to be nationalist. It's a given. On the contrary, Indian nationalist is more specific. It subscribes to the colonial truths and the lengthy embarrassments that piled one over the other. What's also evident is its adherence to the current political border. The term 'Hindu' doesn't give a damn about LOC. It could pertain to those who call themselves Pakistani today because they are unwittingly a cog in the Ferris Wheel of Islam or a smaller guinea pig in Jinnah's Lab. Besides, who knows for sure how far the so-called Hinduism initially spread? The truth is actually a bit complicated. The great souls who could come up with something as gorgeous as Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam are dead and gone. And their wise language is dying a painful death too. Small wonder why a majority of the current lot get goosebumps when they hear their pseudo-saviour utter two words that aren't meant to be a couple.