Hang on, get off

Did you know Mowgli converted to Islam so as to marry his beloved? That’s what Kipling wrote in his extensive summary of what life would have been like for the jungle boy when he met our so-called civilization. I find this aspect of his writing curious because we are talking about 1894 here. It could have been any other religion but the writer—often accused for being an unabashed racist—took a Bollywoodish turn and mixed religion with drama. Of course, there’s no merit in parallelizing Mowgli with what Dharmendra did to marry Hema Malini but still, there’s a whiff of communal sentimentality involved. Or am i thinking too much about gharwapsi? In any case, the bone of contention can always be thrown back to the creator who feels about his creations in a certain manner. So, it’s Kipling’s call whether he decides to circumcise the boy-who-should-have-never-grown-up-in-the-first-place or not. Who am i to judge his original intensions? Having blabbered that, i can’t believe he not only left his animal friends but also forsake the language in which he spoke to them. Moreover, it’s more difficult to come to terms with the reality that Mowgli hasn’t been conferred with Bharat Ratna yet.

Stand corrected

The correct answer to "Who are you?" is "I don't know!"
The correct answer to "I love you" is "You have no idea."
The correct answer to "How are you doing?" is "Compared to what?"
The correct answer to "Are you happy?" is "Are you?".
The correct answer to "Are you in a hurry?" is "Who isn't?".
The correct answer to "Is she your GF?" is "She's my soul mate."
The correct response to "Hi" is "Dei".
The correct answer to "What do you think of yourself?" is "Hahahahahaha."
The correct answer to "What's up?" is ".................."
The correct answer to "Is that you?" is generally "No".
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Guess!"
Last and certainly the least,
"Fuck it" is the correct answer to most of your imaginary problems.

Lesson of the day

When a guy is about to take a piss, you aren't supposed to ask him whether he voted or not. The conditions aren't ideal, you see? He is standing there at his vulnerable best and trying to concentrate on kickstarting the urinary flow. It's not as easy as it seems. Especially when the loo is crowded. You close your eyes and think of that fountain of youth you were supposed to piss in. But before that could even materialize, the voices in your head go "SHAKTI! SHAKTI! SHAKTI! SHAKTI!..." sarcastically encouraging you. Well, they usually don't help. And in the middle of such a hapless scenario if somebody in the next urinal asks you, "Vote kiya kya?" Given the position your inked finger is in at THAT moment, you can't help spouting, "Wohi kar raha hoon."

When dreams kill

If you were to ask 10 people their most preferable way to pass away, almost nine of them would say "I wouldn't mind dying in my sleep". Even if this weren't the exact sentence, the words to be noted here are mind and sleep. [We'll get to that later.] This reply has more to do with lack of imagination and logic than anything rational enough. There's an undying (no pun intended) romance attached to sleeping and never waking up. Also, it's considered to be painless although a layman doesn't really know what kind of experience the dead person had during those last moments of life. And one can't discount the fact that the deceased were engaged in one dream or the other before the Angel of Death kissed them on their forehead. So going by the circumstancial evidences, a dream murdered the hell out of you without leaving a hint of proof behind. What an assassin! Anyway, for the sake of curiosity, wouldn't you love to know what kind of subconscious film was the departed gentleman/lady engaged in? Better still, would you consider yourself extremely lucky if your dreams were to kill you? Literally.