Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Oh, God!

  • "Who was Jesus Christ trying to impress?" - questions you aren't supposed to ask
  • Jesus was an underpaid carpenter and a closet wine connoisseur.
  • "Thanks so much y'all but it ain't my birthday." - Jesus on Christmas
  • Moses simply changed the course of a river. Jesus changed the course of human history.
  • Jesus is my second favouritest superhero. After Mowgli.
  • tattoos: all JC ever asked for 
  • "Let him sans sin cast the first couch." - Jesus to Bollywood filmmakers 
  • Marcus Schenkenberg is widely believed to be the world's first male supermodel. Jesus disagrees though. 
  • There's a reason why "Oh Jesus" played a significant part in the rise of porn industry. 
  • As attached to your mother as Jesus was to his cross.
  • "He's grossly underfollowed." - a tweep on Jesus, before his resurrection 
  • Jesus can't possibly love us more than Santa Claus.
  • Zuckerberg may have about a billion 'friends' on FB but Jesus still remains the most befriended Jew of all time. 
  • JC, help me find my soulmate first. You can save my soul later.
  • I started believing in Jesse after he made Jim Caviezel act in The Passion of the Christ.
  • "Jesus asks us to follow him but would he follow us back?" - Doubting Thomas, before he got blocked
  • They crucified Jesus because he refused to work for Ikea, right? 
  • "We are only as unforgettable as our last supper." - Jesus
  • When it comes to welfare, Jesus is the government's ultimate dole model.
  • I missed the 27 Club by just six years. Damn.” - Jesus
  • Jesus walked on water before walking into a bar mitzvah. Oops!
  • Not a day goes by i don't think of JC and how his fabulous abs went to waste. 
  • I've got nothing against Jesus. Even if he hates me, i wholeheartedly forgive him.

1 comment:

Matilda Briggs said...

Jesus take the wheel!