Dharmsancutandpaste

I recently came across a well-written blog post about how it's not ethically right to plagiarize tweets. I agree for the most part that we shouldn't lift creative materials blindly without bothering to give credit where it's due. It's a terrible way of getting by. Getting inspired is one thing and stealing, quite another. However, one should avoid this malpractice for two major reasons:

1. You wouldn't want THAT to happen to you (at least in the online world).

2. You don't really want to be seen as a prick (at least in the offline world). 

Having said that, i still feel that tweets don't fall under the category of art. Tweeps aren't artists by any yardstick. Who coins words anymore? Twitteratis may claim expertise in wordplay and instant humour, it'd be preposterous to put them in the same category as someone who dedicates oneself to a particular stream of creativity. Tweeps are way too random and spontaneous in comparison. And that's how they are supposed to be! See something and post something about it in not more than 140 characters. Minute in and minute out.

But plagiarism is a touchy as well as a vague topic and sometimes, we have the following order of situations: 

a. You post a tweet and somebody points out that it was already tweeted earlier, specifically suggesting that you must have copied it. 

b. You don't know how to respond to it because it seems like you have copied a joke (of all things!) when you don't even remember reading it earlier. To you, your tweet dropped straight out of your head. 

c. Interestingly, the person claiming that you plagiarized has fewer followers than you and is crying foul how twelebs (twitter celebs, whatever that mean or entail) rob the non-twelebs (although they can't wait to turn into twelebs) of fame and prosperity that timeline was originally designed for. 

d. On one hand, the person is claiming that his tweet doesn't get the exposure it SO deserves and on another, he also points out that somebody more exposed than him has stolen his line. 

e. Now, the question is "How the fuck is that even possible?" when the claimant is basically contradicting himself. 

This is why i feel the whole practice of screaming "Yeh pehle ho chuka hai"—whenever a tweet reminds someone on Twitter of something they'd already read before—redundant. Does it really matter? I don't know about you but my tweets mattered to me a lot about 4-5 years ago. Not anymore. I don't give a click who copies my lame one-liners. In fact, i feel good to know at least somebody cares enough to steal my unhealthy body of words (which i didn't even invent in the first place). Aren't we all borrowers of words? 

Anyway, that's me.

To each his own, as they so like to preach. But then, what's the point of quarreling over a sentence or two when there is so much more going on? As we tweet, books are being written. Not to forget pieces on how it's easier and worthier to plagiarize a blog post than a stupid tweet. 

Twitter's 96 Unwritten Rules

I've been on Twitter for more than four years now. My DP is as old as my twi-life. That's not a long time but it's long enough to let you know that you're basically a lazy narcissist who doesn't give a damn about social etiquette (read: vain conversations). Anyway, over the years, i've written some unwritten rules every now and then. Ironically enough. I don't follow them nor do i expect others to. About two years ago, i did a small study on the first three rules but as time passed by, i grew wiser and gave up. However, it's interesting to see how trends change and we try to make our virtual world as interesting as it can get while our real one begs upgradation. Below you'll find 96 such rules which are best left unread. [In case you're wondering why 96 and not 99 or 100, that's because it's 96 and not 99 or 100.]

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #1: When you don't have anything to say, say. 

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #2: Don't keep your crap to yourself. Your timeline is dying to *no*. 

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #3: Feel busier than you really are.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #4: In case you run out of rubbish to share, twitpic.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #5: Type whatever you want to say. No one's paying attention anyway. 

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #6: Don't shelve your worthless one-bit thoughts. Tweet.

Twitter's unwritten Rule #7: Remind us who we were lest we forget.

Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #8: Stay illusioned. After all, you are a tweep.

Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #9: Typos shall love you more than you hate them.

Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #10: Learn a lot about tweeps by meeting them. But a lot more by not ACTUALLY meeting them.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #11: However unbearable the bullshit, whatever be the consequences, remember just one thing—it's OK.  

Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #12: Apologize as soon as you realize that you’re making sense. 
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #13: Twitter ain't for spreading hatred. It's for making us feel better about our sorry life. 
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #14: Karma will unleash typos to wreck your poor jokes.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #15: Every second person on the timeline is an amateur photographer.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #16: Be. See. Flee.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #17: You don't need fodder for news. The news is you.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #18: Follow interesting tweets, not tweeps.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #19: If you're paying close attention to my crap, then yes, we are friends forever. 
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #20: Don't approve of whatever you tweet before and after lunch.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #21: Twitter shall make you feel busier than you really are.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #22: If someone unfollows you, be glad. At least someone took your crap seriously.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #23: You're an addict when you misplace something and look all over the timeline for it.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #24: A thought ain't aware what fucking downhill is all about until it turns into a lousy tweet.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #25: Referring to oneself in the third person = Referring to oneself in the first person 
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #26: Anything that begins with 'Dear...' is going to end with a not-so-endearing comment.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #27: Log in just like you piss i.e. whenever you ought to.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #28: Judge other tweeps but keep your judgements to yourself.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #29: Stay emotionally damaged but be physically available on the timeline.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #30: Go conquer the world. Meanwhile, let the timeline know how much your life sucks.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #31: Wisecracks aren't signs of wisdom as they are peculiar signs of, well, horrible wisecracks. 
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #32: If reading others' merry tweets makes you happy, your innocence deserves much more happiness than that.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #33: Be as interesting as your retweets.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #34: No matter how many times one rewrites a bad joke, it remains just another bad joke.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #35: Spending too much time on the timeline is not only unhealthy but also unhealthy.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #36: Whatever.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #37: Anything on the timeline that begins with "Sometimes..." should be neglected. Any given time.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #38: You're more than just disoriented when instead of committing a typo, you miss the entire freaking word.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #39: It's impossible to forget a good tweet even if you can't recollect the tweep who posted it.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #40: We shall never run out of hypocritical nonsense.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #41: Timeline is a conversation bait at its worst.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #42: If you are here to prove something, you're demolishing the sole purpose.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #43: Trolls may not like you but they're the ones who genuinely pay heed to your virtual existence.  

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #44: If your tweets are irritating a particular set of crowd, you must be doing something right.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #45: Never ask tweeps whether they're employed or what they do for a living.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #46: Be your fake self.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #47: For every earthquaky action, there is an exaggerated timeline reaction.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #48: Every little thing takes place for the sake of a tweet.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #49: Thou shalt commit silly typos. 
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #50: Whenever you commit a typo, they'll laugh...and then wait for you to correct it.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #51: More or less, all opinions expressed on the timeline are of negligible value.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #52: Everybody on the timeline sound like each other i.e. somebody they are not.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #53: A majority of the folks here are sex joke offenders.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #54: All tweeps are contemporary writers.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #55: Together we can and we will make a grievance.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #56: The hashtag #OKIamgoing always sounds funnier than whatever precedes it. 
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #57: We won't leave Twitter abusing the lame old excuse saying THAT would make us quitters.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #58: Sentimental tweets and timeline are made for each other.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #59: Tweeps can't afford to be poor.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #60: Everybody is entitled to everybody's opinion.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #61: If you've got absolutely no idea what you're doing on the timeline, you're acing it.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #62: Each one of us have a unique image here. It's called DP. 
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #63: To each his pwn.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #64: If you're plagiarizing a tweet, make sure you end it with #rerun. You might at least get the benefit of doubt. 
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #65: We are only as insomniac as our timeline.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #66: Quit pretending that you're the last savior of Queen's English. It doesn't owe you anything and vice versa.  
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #67: The honestest compliment one can ever get here is a o_O. 

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #68: The logout button is the only thing worth taking seriously here. 
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #69: The timeline will ALWAYS appear happier than you.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #70: Tweeps never lose an opportunity to add RIP before famous names. 
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #71: If you fail to laugh at your timeline, you're an idiot.  
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #72: Avoid meeting fellow-tweeps. They seem better in their tweets.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #73: Impressing your old followers is always going to be one heck of a task. 
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #74: Keeping up with the tradition, Twitter's Unwritten Rule #75 is going to suck even more.  
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #75: Kabhi kisi ko mukammal jahaan nahi milta; kahi retweet toh kahi star nahi milta.  
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #76: For a majority of us, tweeting is the closest we'll ever get to social service.  
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #77: As long as you can tip, it doesn't matter whether you are a pro or not.  
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #78: Your tweets are supposed to be good enough only for YOU and no one else. 
 Twitter's Unwritten Rule #79: Almost every second thing that happens is twitpic-worthy.  
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #80: If you haven't been abused by random tweeps yet, you are doing EVERYTHING wrong.  
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #81: You've arrived for real when somebody gets your tweet tattooed on their ass.
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #82: If you can't tweet well, diss well.  
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #83: For every action, there's an equal and opposite hashtag reaction.
 Twitter's Unwritten Rule #84: Be the outrage you want to see in the world.  
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #85: Time is divided into BO (Before Outrage) and AO (After Outrage) 
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #86: We never grow tired of entertaining each other for free. 
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #87: Be appreciative of the crap you read here because time and energy has been spent on it.  
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #88: Bring thinking back. 
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #89: If you can't say it here, those words shall most probably die with you. 
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #90: Think twice before posting one-liners. 
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #91: We're never going to be as awesome as our tweets. 
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #92: It's not a twi-fight if it doesn't involve blood.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #93: Don't generalize. 
Twitter's Unwritten Rule #94: Never act as if you've got a life by saying stuff like "I've got a life".

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #95: There was a lousy comedian in you that needed internet to come out.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #96: We tweet best when we've got absolutely nothing to tweet.
 

Borderline friendship

If she keeps on burning any longer, she won't survive. This line often rings in my head whenever i think of Pakistan. Every country deserves better. More so when i come across news headlines with some place in that Allahforsaken country having a blast. Of the horrible sort. When such discouraging buzz is doing the round, my memory runs through the gems listed below. Each one of them have a face and a story; some short, some longer. Depending on the kind of interaction i've had with them in the virtual world over the past few years. For the record, the only Pakistani i've ever met in person is Ali Zafar. Yes, the actor-singer. The people i've mentioned below are those whom i haven't had the good fortune to meet. Yet.     

Sahil. Furhan. Mehvish. Shiraz. Marvi. Umer. Osama. Akram. Anika. Fizza. Sana. Asma. Sohail. Aadil. Zeeshan. Nazia. Ahmed. Waji. Khawarbhai. Hasan. Kiran. Nada. Zyenab. Rabab. Hira. Burhan. Danish. Aneek. Hafsa. Haroon. Khaver. SMQ. Farhan. Obaid. Heena. Joanna. Rai. Kursed. Haider. Naukhaiz. Niza. Sara. Laeeq. MQazi. Rumaisa. Waqas. Zohaib. Muhammad. Heeri. Samaira. Maliha.

Though i'm not very good with names and i'm sure i must have missed some in haste, these are the ones who instantly clicked. They taught me something or the other about myself by expressing their views. Most of them belong to the ever-affable blogosphere (besides Twitterverse) and i share a good rapport—if not deep friendship—with each one of them. Someday, not very far away from where we are today, i'll be crossing the border to have a chat. Until that happens, i hope they are fine and separated from danger. Of any sort. Situations are so grim right now that when i ask a friend from across the border to take care—unlike with others—i specifically mean it.

Lost in the labyrinth of tweets!

As of now, Twitter is a religion. At least for the tweeps. For the uninitiated, tweeps are the ones who gave up on ‘real’ life and signed up for Twitter instead. It’s almost similar to the selling-your-soul-to-the-devil-at-a-discounted-price thing. Of course, we shouldn’t generalize the entire crowd on the basis of the majority. Yes, there are some exceptions who sign up and then forget their passwords, and in the process, save themselves from getting 140-ed.

For us, Twitter is more than just an addiction. It’s part of a lifestyle. Moreover, it won’t be an exaggeration to state there are 3 types of people on Twitter: those who never want to leave; those who are always here; and the rest.

You wake up and find yourself on the timeline. You are just dying to make an impression. You can crack a joke, post an url link or twitpic. And the best part is even that won’t make you an attention whore. One fish never accuses another fish of being wet. Everyone is in. Yes, some get luckier than others but it doesn’t matter. Everybody’s part of the stage and there is enough space for more. This urge to be heard via tweets is beyond typos. Sometimes, it’s beyond grammar, too. Unfortunately.

Like Tyler Durden once nearly said, “This is twittermania and it's ending one tweet at a time.”

Different people are on Twitter for different reasons. Majority are of the social kind. They don’t mind transforming the timeline back to the heydays of Yahoo! chatroom. Minuscule few are dedicated to mentionless tweeting. But one factor binds all the tweeps – their unconstrained disdain for Orkut and in some cases, Facebook. Anyway, it’s a bit hypocritical on our part to find our common alma mater at fault when it’s clearly not. Whatever goes.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #1 - If you've got absolutely nothing to tweet, tweet.

So what do we tweet about? Well, we mostly tweet shit. No, seriously. We do. You know, stuff that don’t have an iota of significance, not even to the one who’s tweeting. In less harsher words, Twitter is an adult toy. We experience parallel universe, so to speak. After all, there is nothing wrong with it. Here, you become your handle. You don’t even need a topic to tweet. Just look around you. You see things. You tweet things. Simple. No hard and fast rules. No wonder we seem to get more news on Twitter than there is news in this world. Accordingly, we become a dreamer or an activist or a revolutionary. For a day or two or three or four. In a way, we successfully kill time. Sometimes we even kill celebrities. Remember the time when Twitter killed Nelson Mandela, Shashi Kapoor and Abida Parveen when they were pretty much alive? Good.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #2 - Don't keep your crap to yourself. Your timeline is dying to *no*.

Twitter loves sad people and vice versa. Complaining about everything under the sky is a daily phenomenon. Nevertheless, you just find an excuse to tweet. For the record, you are a confirmed twitter-addict when you lose something in your house and search for it on your timeline. The point is you can be sad, cribby and lonely on Twitter. Facebook is not a place to cry your heart out. And even if you do, people will *like* that. Twitter allows you to be depressed. That’s one of the reasons why some of the most painfully honest gems (read: tweets) about sorry life could be seen post-midnight. It’s also when Twitter feels like a city annexed by hopeless romantics.

Twitter's Unwritten Rule #3 - Feel busier than you really are.

Twitter is dominated by social engineers who are busy wasting their precious talent on timeline. They’ve got all the solutions to all the problems to all the solutions in the world. Plus, there are some really creative people who are busy entertaining others. And there are the ones who feel bad for the world while staying comfy in their air-conditioned rooms. In short, Twitter is longer than 140 characters. Lots of characters, in fact. Some are trolls, some fanatics, some politicos, some so-called orkutiyas. But then, different people are on Twitter for different reasons.

N.B. I wrote this piece for Ashik Gosaliya's website so thought of sharing here, too.

If death kisses me goodbye!

Whenever I talk about death, people think I'm being naive but in reality I'm just being futuristic! Now is that bad thing? No.

I keep thinking of death as if I’m older than I already am. I'm 23 but I feel like "world oldest 23 year old" so no wonder I can’t escape the question of how and when I'll be seeing my end. I believe life is unpredictable but death is totally unsustainable. It has this overpowering clout over restless heart.

Now what will happen if I die (either by train, road, freak accidents or whatever) today or tomorrow or day after tomorrow????

I guess the biggest change will be on my most visited Internet websites. I say so considering all the other deeds I've done in my life span. I don’t think anything comes close to the kind of passion I have for “virtual world” which in fact, seems more genuine than the real world I breathe in. If I overlook my failures being a loser that I am, I guess Internet has been a super-duper success for me. I have a voice on Internet pages and I don’t care whether it’s heard or not!

Once I’m dead, the first change will be noticed on my Twitter timeline! There won’t be any updates about what I’m thinking. The timeline will just pause. It won’t move ahead, just like that. No more sharing of stupid ideas passed off as wisdom or office-bashing lines or #JustSaying tweets or news-related links. Secondly my Facebook page will face the same calamity. I don’t know how my friends will react to this because they will be having no idea that I’m in hell waiting for them!

Talking of my virtual world friends, I guess they will be left in the lurch of ignorance as there won’t be any worldwide networking of the news of my departure. It would be as silent as it was before I entered the Internet age and found myself a comfortable space among these wonderful people (or tweeple as we call them now) I love to interact with. But then, I think they’ll give up on me. It is inevitable. My Internet pals in NYC or Romania or Pakistan won’t come looking for me in Mumbai once I stopped tweeting or social networking!

I also wonder about the kind of effort I put in on updating my Twitter 140-space, Facebook profile. I mean, no one will do that for me once I’m gone. I also worry about my Twitter handle, I mean, who will take care of that?!! And also what will happen to this devil-forsaken blog which is overwhelmingly forgettable, at best!

I know these are all speculations but it’s worthy. I don’t count my family here. That’s due to the fact that they are not as dysfunctional as I would like them to be. You have to be on either end of the extremes to be mentioned in my blog! Ah! So they better be left out of my foretasted death scenario.

On the other side, I just love my life on Twitter, Facebook and blogspot, not to mention several other sites where I regularly contribute my time. I’m an Internet addict, if that’s what you are pondering as of now and I wish to be this way till sanity (or death...whichever comes first) takes over!

Twitter, Addiction and Me!

Facebook is the coolest thing on Internet… but only when Twitter is having some loading-glitch (that happens most of the times because of excess users traffic)! Twitter, as of now, is the most happening thing on Internet for lots and lots of people right now, including me. That goes without having to say that I’m addicted to it. I’m a teetotaler and acapnotic but the level of indulgence I exhibit on Twitter is out of my rationale. The last thing I was so addicted to was jaggery which helped me drill some of my finest molars.

For beginners who are new to Twitter (who are not a tweeples yet), let me tell you its time you roll on. I’m saying this because there is no other “invention” on Internet other than Twitter that has the power to bring personalities like Obama, Shah Rukh Khan, Oprah, Paulo Coelho and Queen Rania to a common platform (and thankfully, the list doesn’t end there) but because Twitter is not about these celebrities alone. It’s for all of us who ‘follow’ and get ‘followed’ and even ‘unfollow’ in some cases!

Twitter is in a commoner’s language, a mini-blogging site where a member can ‘tweet’ which means, type out any thing s/he wants, be it sentence or links of videos and songs, onto the 140 characters-limited-space! Now, this may sound crazy. Just 140 characters, that’s it. You dare to bring the powers, the famous faces of the world and then hand them just 140 characters limitation to express themselves. I guess, funny as it may sound but that’s precisely why Twitter is what it is today. It’s precise in its outlook and smooth in its real time functions that includes direct messaging, re-tweeting, uploading photos and so on.

As for me, Twitter has been a staple diet since 29th December 2008 when my dear friend Varun told me about it. Even today he regrets why he did that! That is so because he feels that Twitter has taken up my life and made me immobile (which is true if you consider that the only part of my body that had constant exercise since Dec’08 are my fingers!!). There are hardly people around me who like me being on Twitter as if it won’t function well without my presence on the timeline. I’ve faced severe repercussions in my office too where none other than my Manager himself blocked the site after he caught me tweeting to glory. But the addiction wasn’t to stop. It kept getting stronger and stronger.

Frankly speaking, the only reason I’m on Twitter is because of its spontaneity. Twitter provides me the opportunity to post any rubbish thoughts or quotes or website links or lyrics or verses or songs-I’m-listening-to or movies-I’m-watching blah blah blah. That’s one of the primal reasons why I adore Twitter. The other reason is the people I’ve befriended on it. They brighten me up (though my mom won’t agree!!). She says Twitter is for jobless or kaam-chors (lazy bones!!). My dad taunts me by saying, “How come you are never done with that application form?” referring to the 140-character-space box which I keep filling!

According to my brother, I was crazy to leave engineering amid my second year itself but was crazier to get hitched to Twitter. He even attributes my laziness and procrastinating endeavors to the “might” of Twitter! I used to be quite a regular blogger before I joined Twitter but now am reduced to chances of #FailWhale which means that Twitter is not loading up due to traffic and that’s what happened about half an hour ago or else this post wouldn’t have been possible!!

No matter what, Twitter is the way of the future and our present is just a bridge to that way so I believe we can cover it happily by tweeting from whatever source available, be it web or cellphone, as much as we like.